The super-patriot in Muckraker is livid, and inconsolably so. Being a proud member of the country’s thought police, Muck can easily read through some of the treasonous thoughts harboured by people to whom “the System” has entrusted the honour of guarding the gates of the nation. Real treasonous thoughts, we can assure you!
Who doesn’t know that the country is in the festive season of term extensions? This is the top-most resolution of “The Party”, passed at its last two conferences with the enthusiasm of a revival crusade.
The job, according to its legal panjandrum, Cde ZZ, would be wrapped up neatly by Christmas.
In such a joyous season, one would naturally expect all and sundry to be belting out the same chorus. Surely Party mouthpieces such as The Chronicle in Bulawayo must be expected to sing lustily along to any term-extension agenda brought by the country’s rightful shareholders, especially one that irritates ex-Rhodies and the moribund Western-funded opposition.
But alas, it was not to be!
Right in the middle of the tussle over extending the term of Bulawayo Town Clerk Cde Christopher Dube by another five years, The Chronicle — of all newspapers! — decided to come out guns blazing against term extensions for the so-called “old guard”. And they did this in a blistering editorial, recklessly circulated across all Zimpapers platforms!
“But let’s be clear: this is not just about two men disagreeing. It is about a system that prioritises job security for the (politically) connected over competitive hiring for the competent.
“By fighting to lock in a town clerk until 2030 without a transparent, competitive process, the council is signalling that the future of Bulawayo’s administration is not open to new talent, new ideas, or a new direction.
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“What Bulawayo needs is not a five-year extension of the old guard, but a five-year plan infused with innovation. We need leaders who are debating the merits of smart water meters, not the minutiae of retirement ages.
“We need a council that is obsessed with attracting tech startups and manufacturing hubs, not with securing the positions of incumbent managers.
“The bitter dispute at City Hall is a powerful argument for term limits, for robust independent oversight, and for a recruitment process that looks beyond the usual suspects.
“The energy spent on this conflict should have been channelled into a city-wide conversation about what kind of Bulawayo we want to build for the next generation.
“The people of Bulawayo deserve a local government that is focused on them, not on itself. It is time to demand that our councillors stop their bickering, look beyond the council chamber walls, and remember who they serve.
“The future of our city will not be found in extending the contracts of the past, but in having the courage to hire for the challenges of tomorrow. It is time for new blood!”
New what? In which country? Where was this so-called new blood when the owners were laying down their lives for the nation?
It is obvious that this editorial, while it might appear to be about the situation in Bulawayo, it was never about that city at all. And Zimbos being Zimbos, even the most addle-brained can decode the message by simply replacing “Bulawayo” with “Zimbabwe” and “City” with “country”. Then the treason becomes as clear as day.
To strengthen its sacrilegious sermon, the editorial peppered its argument with insults such as “old guard”, “old blood”, “extending contracts of the past”, and accusations that leadership is dominated by “personal allegiances and political power plays”. These were placed in direct contrast with rainbow phrases that include as “new blood”, “new ideas”, “new direction”, and “hire for tomorrow”.
Surely, this is treason of the highest order, going against the entire spirit of Resolution No. 1 of “The Party”.
There can be no doubt that “The System” has been infiltrated by enemy agents, and that 30 pieces of silver exchanged hands before such an insalubrious editorial found its way into print. Heads must roll — not just at The Chronicle, but across the whole group. Only then might Muck be mollified … maybe!
It’s so unfair
This world is a strange place indeed. In Tanzania, after shutting down the Internet, slaughtering citizens and refusing to answer questions from CNN’s Larry Madowo, Madam Idi 98% is now weeping tears of blood over “professionalism”, claiming she is being treated unfairly.
She has cancelled the December 9 Independence Day celebrations, not out of remorse for the 6 000 citizens she butchered, but out of fear that she may be tempted into another repeat performance of her October 29-plus massacre. Indeed, what independence is there to celebrate after killing more than 6 000 of your own?
This week, Madam Idi 98% unveiled a commission of inquiry into the murders, even pre-empting its findings by declaring that the protesting youths were paid. We hope the commission will also make a quick detour to Kenya, where she claims some of these “paid youths” came from.
More importantly, we hope she herself will appear before her commission to explain at which point she decided to shut down the Internet and unleash the killings.
Fortunately, a hefty dossier of her blood-soaked exploits has already landed on the desk of prosecutors at the International Criminal Court.
And the deathly silence from Sadc only confirms what Muck was persecuted for pointing out long ago, that the bloc has mutated into a trade union of dictators.
Parasites, bloody parasites
"The Attorney-General’s Office is finalising legal instruments to provide for duty-free vehicle imports, tax relief and tollgate exemption for our war veterans,” War Vets minister Monica Mavhunga announced this week.
Her declaration came just as children of war veterans demanded the scrapping of the 30-year age cap on their school fees benefits, claiming that some of them start school in their late teens, and may still be enrolled at 30 or beyond.
This is 45 years after the war! They now want an open-ended system so that even at age 90 they can still have the State paying their school fees because they are “children of war veterans”.
Talk of a parasitic sense of entitlement!
While some are busy rubbing their palms in gleeful anticipation, pointing to the increase in funeral cover donations to these war veterans as tacit confirmation that soon the lot would be gone.
This social disease of people choosing a parasitic lifestyle might not be getting a cure any time soon. Muck can assure Zimbos that it is almost certain that a new parasitic outfit, Grandchildren of War Veterans is already in the offing, so that this freeloading can be passed on from generation to generation.
Viva Vision 2030
These Zimbos are so ungrateful. Last week when a fake seed plant was busted in Mbare, some miscreants were overheard yawning aloud that this is the same factory that produced the seed that Zimbos celebrated in November 2017 … fake seed that gave them fake promises.
Meanwhile, this week as Owner continued pushing his Vision 2030 agenda by dolling out more cars, we were told that this vision is inspired by China! We hope more things get inspired by Beijing … such as the best way of dealing with corruption in the very highest of places!
