AS the year comes to an end — the eighth year of the Second Republic — it is yet another year that Muckraker and the generality of Zimbos, who exist outside “the system”, would wish to forget in a hurry, because it brought nothing but more suffering and hopelessness.
But not for those responsible for this suffering, whose only purpose for existence, it seems, is to ensure that life for Zimbos — as much as possible — is miserable and unbearable.
For successfully ensuring that this objective was achieved, Owner & Co ended the year with a Cabinet meeting at which they generously congratulated themselves for a job well done.
“I am pleased to note that our (suffering) Cabinet proceedings for the year 2025 were robust and responsive to the (suffering) needs of our people,” Owner said as he expressed satisfaction at the collective ownership’s performance.
“I, therefore, commend all of us for the dedication, commitment and resilience with which we conducted (the suffering) Cabinet business.
“Through our collective responsibility, we have made invaluable progress for the (suffering) benefit of our beloved motherland, Zimbabwe.
“As (a suffering) regime, we have remained resolute and steadfast in seeking to fulfil the collective (suffering) expectations of our citizens.”
The happy Owner described the hatchet job that he & Co have carried out since the onset of the coup-delivered Second Republic as “a resounding success”.
- Snapchat Announces New Features for Snapchat+, Including Custom Story Expiry. Options
- Muckracker: ZIMSAT-1: Massive musical galas across country a must
- Zim diplomats sign performance contracts
- Middle-income economy by 2030 just pie in the sky
Keep Reading
“This is despite the fact that the victims continue to demonstrate remarkable resilience. Despite these setbacks, through the unity and hard work of all our people (read goons), we have successfully ushered our nation into a new era of hopelessness, untold suffering, de-industrialisation and retarded service delivery,” — at least, that is how many Zimbabweans interpret his remarks, not without a tinge of disappointment.
“We institutionalised a results-oriented culture across ‘the system’, anchored on modern performance management systems (to deliver maximum suffering) … mechanisms must be put in place to ensure that the momentum gained during the course of the year is sustained.”
Calling it a year of “robust growth and enhanced services” as far as the suffering agenda was concerned, he also challenged his henchmen to reflect on the set targets submitted at the start of the year and to devise new and novel ways of ensuring that the inmates of the camp masquerading as a country suffer to the maximum.
Muck hopes this brief clarification helps those who may have been wondering what “progress” Owner & Co were referring to, and celebrating, as they ended the year.
Isn’t it said that a government is a disease that masquerades as a cure? This is a textbook case.
What this means is that the song remains the same into the new year. We hope those who celebrated their tails off in November 2017 are still in that celebratory mood.
Attempt on Owner’s life
When we thought Cde Andrew Pasinawako of the Anti-Presidential Insult — sorry — Criticism (APC) was about to take a well-deserved break to recharge his batteries after his heroic stunts in defence of Owner, some people went beyond merely criticising or insulting him and actually made a daring attempt on Owner’s life.
Earlier this week, staff at the new Parliament building in Mt Hampden woke up to discover that all-night rituals had taken place at a spot where party regalia emblazoned with Owner’s face appeared to have been the centre of the mischief.
We can’t imagine that these anti-progressives are now resorting to witchcraft to derail the runaway progress Zimbos are enjoying.
Remember, they have tried everything before … poisonings, a bomb (in Bulawayo), and now they have moved on to witchcraft!
This is a very serious matter — treasonous, in fact — and we fully expect Cde Pasinawako & Co to do everything possible to assist security agents (and Zindoga, the prolific sangoma from Masvingo!) to ensure that no stone is left uncovered in bringing these culprits to book.
They see that Project 2030 is now unstoppable, hence they resort to black magic. They will learn their lessons the hard way. Watch and see!
More cult co-options
After Cde Kuda’s co-option into the structures of the cult, it is now Cde Tempter’s turn. He is facing the same token resistance the former encountered, but as we all know who really calls the shots in the cult, it is only a matter of time before the special advisor becomes a full member.
Muck hopes these chaps understand how “the system” works — how it uses people for a while and then ruthlessly discards them once their usefulness has been exhausted. They should ask one former general who now lives in deep regret after foolishly taking a politician’s verbal promise at face value. Let these “zviganandas” not say Muck did not warn them.
Cusp of golden era
Muck is told that delisting from the Zimbabwe Stock Exchange is increasingly becoming fashionable, obviously in response to the feja feja currency and feja feja economic policies under Cde Zwinhu Zwacho’s watch.
Muck has a ready solution: a Statutory Instrument banning any delisting until Vision 2030 has been achieved — or extended, whichever comes first! Wasn’t it only this week that Cde Zwinhu was threatening Zimbos that they are on the “cusp of a golden economic era”?
We certainly cannot allow economic saboteurs from the West to derail the gains achieved by the Second Republic in the past eight short years. Never!
Appreciative
On behalf of fellow Zimbos, it is Muck’s pleasure and singular honour to thank the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation for gifting Owner with a bull as a token of “appreciation” for his able ownership of the country. What more could one ask for, when car radio licence fees are being put to the best possible use?
Listening ownership
Blessed as Zimbos are to be under the able ownership of a listening Owner, Muck thought it fitting to end the year with a quote from Robin Sharma’s Leadership Without Title: “Leadership is about listening. And allowing others to feel heard. That takes a big person. Some people really do believe listening is a soft skill. But in fact, it’s so very hard. And it does take a brave person to turn down the noise of their ego so they can turn up the volume of their listening. It takes a really powerful and secure human being to be quiet enough to let the ideas of others be considered and heard”.
