What is a mere US$4m to the reeling party?

By Muckraker | 6h ago

Zanu PF national chairperson Oppah Muchinguri-Kashiri

MUCKRAKER was really touched when Cde Oppah Muchinguri-Kashiri revealed that a mere US$4 million would be invested in this year’s 22nd Zanu PF Annual National People’s Conference, which was being hosted by Manicaland province in Mutare.

At first, Muck could not understand what was going on. He thought the reeling party had been unable to raise more for this important national event, only to realise that this was actually a deliberate decision of the listening leadership to spend a bare minimum on this event so that more resources could be channelled towards other areas of need.

It emerged that actually “The Party” was initially targeting a modest US$5 million, but later decided to moderate it further down to just US$4 million.

Yet, in spite of this hard sacrifice, some misfits still started circulating pictures of pregnant women lying on the floor in a poor hospital in some unknown poor African country, claiming it to be the current situation at the Victoria Chitepo Hospital in the same city where “The Party” was purportedly having a “lavish” conference.

Some people are really shameless. What is a mere US$4 million in a country so blessed that a simple civil servant is able to splash US$2 million on his daughter’s wedding? What then “lavish” event can be thrown for thousands of important people on a measly US$4 million budget?

Who is foolish enough not to have the common sense to know that a party the size, age, strength and popularity of Zanu PF should actually be spending not less than US$100 million on an important event like this one?

More importantly, and ideally, that money ought to be coming from Treasury because of the important selfless work that “The Party” has been doing for this country for over six decades. Yet “The Party” is funding this national event from freewill contributions of its own members.

But even after restraining itself into moderating, detractors remain unappeased. They still make lots of noise even when this little money is coming from private pockets, demanding that the little should have been spent on the imaginary plight of the imaginary poor in an imaginary poorly-funded public hospital in Mutare!

Keep Reading

This is the level of desperation these detractors can sink to. If anything, they actually wish the reeling party was like others which never openly hold any conferences or congresses in years, always hiding behind “strategic ambiguity”.

To coincide with this important event running in Mutare, losers such as Cursed Geza & Co have been trying to mobilise Zimbos for a protest march.

“No to state capture, No to corruption, No to nepotism, No to political dynasty, No to 2030, No to poverty, No to zvigananda!” the organisers gave as the manifesto of their non-event. It is a non-event because none of the ills they listed exist in this country — they are imaginary, only existing in the figment of these detractors’ dangerously fertile imagination.

Who doesn’t know that, thanks to “The Party,” this is the proverbial land of milk and honey, a country with the highest happiness ranking in the world?

Cry our beloved Sadc, cry

In Madagascar, in less than a month of Cde Andry Rajoelina being crowned Sadc chair, that country’s Gen Z and military decided that enough was enough and sent him fleeing for his dear life!

How disrespectful of Sadc! Yet the bloc continues to stand akimbo when it is naturally expected to leap to its chairperson’s aid! Is it the fear of confirming itself to be the trade union of dictators that it rightly is?

By the way, Rajoelina himself first arrived on the scene through a coup — what goes around …!

Meanwhile, in Seychelles, opposition leader Patrick Herminie, who was once arrested for witchcraft, trounced the incumbent Wavel Ramkalawan in a run-off vote held last weekend, two weeks after elections there produced no outright winner.

There is certainly no doubt that the chap put his witchery to the best of uses against his opponent and the electorate. This makes Muck envious!

This trend of opposition winning ought to be stopped, for it carries with it a bad omen. Why not learn from Cde Sister Samia of Tanzania, where such opposition leaders are not allowed anywhere near the ballot paper?

Heaven on Earth

Cde Toufik Benedictus “Benny” Hinn, the Israeli-born American-Canadian charlatan that masquerades as a televangelist, was in Harare to fleece desperately gullible Zimbos.

Thousands of poor were given envelopes into which to load various sums of cash, up to US$1 000, as seed money to incentivise the good Lord to shoo away their poverty. As is his custom everywhere he goes, he passed by State House to drop a package of “blessings” to our Owner and his clan.

During his plundering sessions, he “prophesied” that Dr Amai is headed straight into Heaven because of her philanthropic work.

That is where Muck finds it a bit problematic, because this is actually more of a threat than anything! In actual fact, Muck is torn between two patriotic poles. While sashaying straight into Heaven could be the ideal, especially for the materially poor in this life, it might not be so for those who are already enjoying Heaven on this side of the fence.

So, while disagreeing with this “prophesy” might be misunderstood to be harbouring ill-will towards the blessing that is our Owner & clan, which in itself is, naturally, a criminal offence. This is not the case.

Muck actually has far better things to wish for our Owner & clan — what is mere Heaven? Our Owner and clan should live and rule forever, for they are already in Heaven here on Earth! Talking of Heaven in the way Cde Hinn was doing is not even remotely good.

In actual fact, it is dangerous in that it gives hope to our Owner’s victims and detractors that one day, only one day, their suffering will come to an end when he and his clan leave for their heavenly reward. If anything, let that Heaven come here, not them leaving us ownerless to go to that heaven. No ways!

Cooking for guerrillas

The “iconic” Trabablas Interchange was commissioned in May. And we are now in October. The monumental mason, who did the controversial interchange’s granite name plaque, is yet to be paid. The fact that he is taking to social media to complain about his plight means he is new to the reeling party. For that mischief, he will be paid by social media.

In the meantime, if anything happens to that plaque, he will be charged appropriately, including being made to replace it for as long as necessary.

In actual fact, as soon as the conference is over, he might be posting another video on the same social media to claim to have forgotten that he was actually paid in advance, and apologising profusely to our Owner & Co for sullying their otherwise good names.

When the Party, in its accustomed wisdom, decides not to pay for services duly rendered, the onus is always on the victims to remember that the reeling Party liberated them, and therefore, they ought to be eternally grateful. For that good reason, it is they who owe the Party, not the other way around.

This thankless task is called kubikira magandanga, cooking for the guerrillas. It is actually an honour to perform it, and perform it with enough alacrity!

If only this monumental mason knew that the contractor who put wall-to-wall carpets on all the floors of a certain 15-storey building on the other end of Samora Machel Avenue more than three-and-a-half decades ago is yet to be paid!

We are sure that by now that carpet has since been replaced more than once, and that some of the children conceived on that very same unpaid-for carpet are now on the cusp of becoming grandmothers. It is not called the reeling Party for nothing!