MUCKRAKER is relieved that, as “The Party” gathers in Mutare for its conference, a solution has finally been found to the constitutional headache on extending Owner’s ownership to the beyond that “The People” have been clamouring for since the previous gathering in Bulawayo last year.
Just in time for the conference, “The Party” strategically deployed supposedly ‘unsuspectable’ individuals to pitch the final strategy around, in case there are those who may falsely claim that this wildly popular idea has no buy-in and support from across the width and breadth of the country and “The People”. So none other than the Nutty Professor offered to rent himself for that task.
Cde Jonathan Moyo was this week firing from all cylinders, vociferously arguing that there is no need for any referendum to extend the Owner’s ownership to the desired extent.
Cde Moyo says his party can simply do this by removing the five-year term limit on Owner’s current and final term through its overwhelming majority in Parliament. This, the messenger says, would not violate the constitution in any way, as Owner will still be inside his two terms stipulated by the constitution!
Remember, this is something that Cde Tshabangu and company are also agreeable to, arguing that elections have proved to be a waste of time, money, emotions and other resources.
So, the constitutionalist would be able to constitutionally remain Owner and constitutionalist at the same time! Just like in the case of the November 2017 coup that was not a coup, the world should be ready to take some copious notes from the master himself.
Baseless allegations
The ever-erratic commentator, Cde Eddie Cross was back this week with more baseless allegations against the owners of the country.
After his salacious allegations in April that Owner and sons were plundering the country dry — allegations he later withdrew after being summoned to the State House twice to explain himself — this week he was back at it, claiming that the country has fallen into the vice grip of ruthless cartels. What a mortuary of lies!
This week Cde Energy Mutodi of the “I’M THE BOSS” mug had to be peremptorily removed from the chairmanship of the Parliamentary Portfolio Committee on Budget and Finance, a few days after also going rogue by making equally deprecating remarks towards Cde George Guvamatanga, the country’s trustworthy purse-keeper.
Even his later show of trying to eat his words back could not save him from getting the chop, and worse could be coming!
He who accuses the servant accuses their master. He who offends the servant offends the master.
The master feels the insult that is done to his own as his own insult, and naturally stands up for his own. That is why action on Mutodi was so swift.
We would have thought that unlike Cross, Mutodi would know better — that there are some people who are untouchable — for now!
Army for sale
Muck is waiting for what Zimbos ordinarily assume to be their army to issue furious denials that it is not a private force inside someone’s pocket as alleged.
Bothersome blabbermouth Temba Mliswa has been all over the show telling anyone, who cares to listen that Zimbos ought to stop calling it their national army because the country no longer has such an institution after the previous one got turned into a private militia, funded and controlled by an individual.
We were told that the hundreds of cars that were distributed last week were coming from the very same owner who also owns and controls the rest of the supposed state security apparatus.
To Muck, this is reminiscent of the 11 000 men that were taken all the way to the jungles of the Democratic Republic of Congo by certain individuals on a private plundering mission.
We will know all this to be at least half false if the army comes out to reassure us that it has not yet passed into private hands.
Furiously angry
Still on loving their owners, Muck is seething with anger after discovering that one Cde Andrew Pasinawako formed an outfit called Anti-Presidential Criticism (APC), even going to the extent of registering it as an affiliate of “The Party” without inviting like-minded super-patriots to be founding members.
Surely how can Muck — important as he is — only have to join an organisation that is already up and running when he naturally deserved to be a founding member? That was so unfair!
In a letter from the Zanu PF commissariat department dated October 6, addressed to “Whoever it may concern”, APC is described as, among other things, involved in “mobilisation work and community development activities”.
Obviously inspired by the Prevention of Undermining of Ownership Act, among other progressive laws, the patriotic duties of the membership involve getting angry and mad on the important behalf of the country’s ownership. This is exactly what the doctor ordered! What more can Zimbos ever ask for?
Muck is so disappointed when he hears some ungrateful Zimbos yawning aloud that if their current selfish owners had been around during the slave trade era, everyone who is not part of their families would have been sold off. People should learn to love and respect their owners.
A smelly HellCrow deal!
Cde Doink, the best graduate from the Herbert Chitepo School of (Plundering) Ideology, is now putting what he learnt into practice, evidently proving to be capable of punching way above his size when it comes to liberating the country.
The slippery water supply deal that his personal cow, the City of Harare, recently consummated with HellCrow Private Limited is confirmation that the brother has since graduated into another competent chigananda.
It is very clear that this is another heist that is underway, and the secrecy shrouding the deal confirms it all.
In normal countries, thankfully ours is no longer one! Water, roads, sewer, garbage collection etc. are very basic services that any local authority worth its salt should be able to deliver. But not in Zimbabwe! Please don’t ask Muck what is special that these private firms bring from Mars where council officials can’t reach.
In March, Cde Doink threatened to raze down the illegal structure that is under construction on Alpes Road in Vainona that was criminally approved by his minions.
Describing the double-storey structure that clearly extends onto the road as an “eyesore”, Cde Doink vowed to make sure it was demolished pronto. We are now in October and the contractor is now putting finishing touches!
Cde Doink’s behaviour is called performative and he is very good at it. Instead of doing real work that delivers value for money to the taxpayer, he is seized with dying palm trees that were foisted on the city by criminals who were looting state resources under the name of hosting the Sadc summit two years ago.
If you ask the ratepayers in Mabvuku, Mbare, Budiriro or Mufakose, they don’t give a damn about palm trees, for they are seized with the basics of life.
Meanwhile, we wonder if someone can demand just to see Cde Doink’s driver’s licence for him to be holding the steering wheel like he was doing at the unveiling of those cars that are part of that controversial HellCrow water deal.
We doubt very much that a mere certificate from the Chitepo School allows holders to sit in the driver’s seat as we saw the city’s owner doing.
In countries where the rule of law exists, someone would be in real serious trouble, ask Julius Malema who only last week was convicted of mishandling a firearm!
