In what resembles a typical smash-and-grab operation, Terry Kelly and his family have had their Chewore Lodge & Campsite snatched by ‘criminals’ operating around the Owner.
This latest heist reminds Muckraker of a long-running series in which properties were grabbed by a certain top person with very solid criminal connections. The modus operandi was elegant in its simplicity. He would sell upmarket residential stands to unsuspecting buyers, wait a few years, then return to sell the completed houses — some of them multi-storey mansions — as if nothing had happened. More often than not, he got away with it.
In a 2015 judgment involving this criminal, Justice Joseph Mafusire suggested that one law firm, which curiously appeared in all these cases on behalf of the accused, be reported to the Law Society of Zimbabwe for investigation.
Before anything could be done, however, the senior partner of that law firm had already become Mafusire’s colleague on the bench.
This was back in the good old days when judges could be handpicked, without the inconvenience of public interviews and other democratic nuisances.
If people can grab power itself, what can possibly stop them from grabbing a mere lodge in the bush?
Property grabbing is not new. It has been with us for a very long time. The gatekeepers within the legal system are selectively vigilant, ensuring that victims enjoy no meaningful recourse to the law.
Who still remembers that, when the 2017 coup took place, someone at the courts yawned publicly that there was nothing illegal about the events that unfolded?
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Against this backdrop, Zimbos should not be shocked if creative arguments emerge to justify Cde Luke’s continued stay in office beyond 80. After all, as long as one is able to provide a reassuring legal gloss to whatever transpired around them, age becomes a technicality rather than a limitation.
Never mind the statement announcing his departure date. Hasn’t his boss, the great constitutionalist himself, also repeatedly announced his own departure dates, only for “the people” to insist that he goes nowhere?
What, then, would stop “the people” from clamouring that the Cde continues? After all, he is not only 18 years younger, but also reportedly enjoys excellent “mental and physical fitness” to remain in office.
It is not called a system for nothing.
Temptingly presidential
Presidential corruption advisor, Cde Tempter Tungwarara, is temptingly leading by example.
With almost everything in this country suddenly becoming “presidential”, his Prevail Group is harvesting government tenders without the inconvenience of going to tender — in almost everything.
And whenever other criminals around the Owner appear unsettled, the man promptly reassures the nation that he is more than ready to die for the Owner.
Those who claim to have died for the country, as well as veterans of Operation Restore Legacy, should take notes. This, apparently, is what true patriotism looks like.
Envious
On behalf of Muck and fellow Zimbos, Cde MoreHardy this week dispatched hearty congratulations to the Owner of Uganda for once again showing the world how elections are properly conducted.
Never mind the internet shutdown. Never mind the brutalisation of the opposition. Never mind those viral videos of election officials generously stuffing ballot boxes. We still expressed our envy of Ugandans for doing it the African way.
“On behalf of the government, the people of the Republic of Zimbabwe and on my own behalf, I wish to extend my sincere congratulations and best wishes to you, Dear Brother, on your electoral victory,” Cde MoreHardy said.
“Your election is a testament to the trust the people of Uganda have in your tested leadership.”
By the way, the Owner of Uganda — who has always had strong views about African leaders overstaying in power — has only been around for 40 years. His latest victory merely stretches his stay to a modest 45 years.
Poll-tricks on the bus
As we wait for Cde Andrew Pasinawako of the Anti-Presidential Criticism (ACP) to account for those miscreants digging huge craters in the middle of roads — including right in front of tollgates — Muck is disappointed that arrests are not happening fast enough.
These are people creating social media content out of potholes. In doing so, they are effectively insulting the Owner by portraying him as a failure.
How could unemployables do this in a country where the minister responsible for roads, Cde Felix Mhona, has barely finished basking in the glory of being named best-performing minister of the year?
His job, much like that of his master, is largely performative. The minister appeared genuinely shocked to learn that there are craters on our roads.
He responded with admirable efficiency by giving Zimbos 10 hotlines to report these craters to provincial engineers, who must first verify them, because there is a high likelihood that such reports are figments of fertile, unpatriotic imaginations. People such as Fadzayi Mahere, for instance.
In the unlikely event that the craters do exist, they can only be the result of sabotage. Pure sabotage.
Among other objectives, this wicked act is meant to derail the Party’s popular “Politics MuBhazi” project, in which Cde Taurayi Kundishaya tours the country explaining the many blessings that the Owner represents, just in case citizens lack the eyes to see breath-taking development for themselves.
Now imagine a bus plunging into a Gaza-style crater just as Cde Kundishaya is seized with a paroxysm of describing the Second Republic’s achievements. That would be treason, wouldn’t it?
Surely there is no way that Seke Road — “upgraded” barely three years ago under the so-called Emergency Road Rehabilitation Programme by firms enjoying a monopoly on road construction tenders — can suddenly develop such craters.
This is clearly sabotage. Some things are beyond comprehension.
We should never rule out the possibility that American drones are bombing our roads at night as part of their regime-change agenda.
So unfair
Muck would like to commiserate with Cde Temba “Bhuru” Mliswa over the DNA paternity test results confirming that only some of the 19 children he has boasted about for years are indeed his.
Life is unfair. Just as it was unfair for those former white commercial farmers he once extorted.
Fortunately, Cde Mliswa can always use the proceeds of those past exploits to look after the lucky brood.
