THIS week Zanu PF supporters were shocked to learn that their party was suddenly against one of its most treasured traditions.
It was reported that, after the ruining party’s internal elections were marked by the standard violence, the party’s acting spokesperson, Mike Bimha, came out to confuse supporters.
He was quoted as saying: “We all know that when there are elections, people jostle for positions, but we don’t accept violence.”
While party members were still digesting his strange words, Bimha continued, adding: “We can’t run a party with violent people. That is not Zanu PF because Zanu PF stands for discipline and order.”
Contacted for comment, party supporters denied scurrilous allegations that their party stands for discipline and order. They warned Bimha not to continue this business of confusing party supporters by making scandalous claims that Zanu PF cannot run a party with violent people. Which Zanu PF is this that he is speaking of? Where does he want the people to put their clubs and machetes?
Speaking of elections, there was anger over the past week after the US embassy decided to interfere in our affairs by urging the country to hold by-elections.
“Many countries have held elections despite the pandemic, including Zambia, South Africa, Malawi, and the United States, demonstrating that Covid-19-safe elections are possible,” the US embassy tweeted, a sign that embassy officials were bored after spending hours entertaining themselves by watching their horse-mounted border officials chasing down Haitian refugees like old slave catchers rounding up a few runaways.
Of course, our owners were unhappy. They sent out their most trusted foot-shooter, George Charamba, who wagged a long finger at America, warning them that they were “skating on very thin ice in the savannah”.
Tell them, George. How dare they lecture us on following our own constitution? Surely, we can hold trade fairs, rallies, internal elections, religious Marange gatherings and even New Doctor Amai’s cooking lessons, but elections? Those ones we will hold them when we want.
There was more evidence that the Zimbabwe economy continues to grow at the fastest pace in the world this week, when President Emmerson Mnangagwa opened a downtown chicken shop on Wednesday.
According to the ZBC-TV, the spot was donated to the New Doctor Amai’s charity. For the uninitiated, that charity is obviously known far and wide for its philanthropic activities, which, according to reports, include teaching young women how to cook for their husbands in such a way that they never leave their wives for women of more superior culinary and other talents.
Said ZBC-TV: “The empowerment initiative targeting the girl child will see 20 beneficiaries being employed at the facility.”
Now, let us hear all those doubters asking “how far” about the promised mega-deals our leadership promised. What more mega investments can one ask for than chicken shops for the girl child?
Congrats to ZBC
Muckraker joins the nation in congratulating the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation (ZBC) for winning the much-coveted best broadcasting stand award at the Zimbabwe International Trade Fair.
The nation is proud that, finally, our only television station in the land is getting recognition as the best television station in the land. While ZBC was the only competitor, it was still a tough competition as judges had a tough time deciding on the winner.
It was also a national delight to see the President touring the First Lady’s stand at the fair. We are disappointed her stand did not sweep all the awards. However, the sights gave us warm and fuzzy memories of the time the owner of Gushungo Dairy handed over the best stand award to the owner of Gushungo Dairy.
It warms our hearts to see such rich national traditions being continued in the New Dispensation.
We remain grateful that our monetary authorities remain steadfast and vigilant in the face of unpatriotic moves by unscrupulous elements to undermine our currency, one of the strongest in Africa.
In response to attacks on the Zimbabwean dollar, the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe has done what any credible central bank will do; publish the names of a few street dealers.
The RBZ announced that its Financial Intelligence Unit (FIU) had “instructed banks, mobile money operators and other financial service providers to identify and freeze any accounts operated by these individuals and, further, to bar them from accessing financial services for a period of two years, with immediate effect”.
Muckraker, again, found himself among lumpen elements and unwashed detractors, who dared to state how this latest FIU statement reminded them of the “externalisation list” that was released in early 2018. What became of that, we will never know, these paid upstarts stated.
All we know, for now, is that the word “intelligence” in the FIU is silent.
Like many right-thinking citizens of the earth, it was with a mixture of mirth and horror this week that Muckraker watched news of French President Emmanuel Macron being pelted with an egg in Lyon this week.
What made the incident even more horrific was the reaction of Macron’s officials after the incident.
A spokesperson said: “There is nothing to say about it because it did not disrupt his walking around. I was next to the President, I can tell you there is no story.”
This is the incompetence we can never tolerate in our country. A government official choosing not to be angry on behalf of the leader? Simply escorting the egg-throwing counter-revolutionary out of the area, and not having our overweight men in shiny suits pummelling him senseless into the ground? What sort of presidential security is this? Clearly, Macron’s security detail needs to come here for retraining.