Madam Auxilia: All hail the country’s new ruler!

One visit by Auxilia saw whole ministers scrambling. You see how effective our new leader is? At last we have a president who is actually working. We are therefore delighted by the vast coverage she is getting on ZBC and in the supplements in the Herald. This massive coverage is to make sure that the masses are informed as to who exactly is actually running the government.

THERE was a time when people used to accuse Zimbabwe of having leaders who cling to power for so long. Those times are long gone. Not even a year after Emmerson Mnangagwa was elected by the masses as their president, the country has a new ruler: Madam Auxilia Mnangagwa.

Twitter: @MuckrakerZim

It is good to see our country is now frequently changing leaders, just as they do in Japan, Italy and Australia.
After visiting the National Pharmaceutical Company (NatPharm) and giving the lazy directors there a piece of her mind, the government sprang into action. The Minister of Health, Obadiah Moyo, who at times has been reduced to a mere bystander, immediately announced that the chefs at NatPharm had just one week to disburse drugs that our new leader found stashed in a warehouse on her visit.

“The ultimatum followed a fact-finding visit last week by First Lady Cde Auxilia Mnangagwa where she slammed NatPharm for withholding medicines at a time when patients were failing to access drugs,” the Pravda-like Herald reported.

The paper went on to tell us that “Minister Moyo said he was surprised as to why NatPharm was stockpiling drugs”. It had to take Madam Auxilia’s presidential tour to open a minister’s eyes to what was happening in a department he supervises.

“Are you using them yourself, maybe you are taking the medication yourself, maybe you are all sick,” asked minister Moyo.

Previous visits by previous leaders yielded no such action. One visit by Auxilia saw whole ministers scrambling. You see how effective our new leader is? At last we have a president who is actually working.

We are therefore delighted by the vast coverage she is getting on ZBC and in the supplements in the Herald. This massive coverage is to make sure that the masses are informed as to who exactly is actually running the government.
Auxilia is fast following on the legendary Grace Mugabe’s footsteps.

Dairy hardships

Talking of the Mugabes, the nation was saddened to hear that Alpha Omega Dairy, owned by the doddering nonagenarian and former president Robert Mugabe, which was once the country’s preferred provider of dairy products to rallies and government institutions, has fallen on hard times.

According to an official at the dairy, “we are producing the products, but the rate of uptake in supermarkets is very low because the majority of the people do not have enough buying power”.

It is so sad to see such a national institution in dire straits. One recalls a time when Alpha Omega trucks roared to rallies all over the country, supplying milk and ice cream to captive markets.

We can only point to sabotage by the “new dispensation”. We know some of them have been waiting for their revenge since that Gwanda incident almost two years ago.

We know some of them are jealousy of the success of Alpha Omega, which won awards every year at the Zimbabwe International Trade Fair and the Harare Agricultural Show. Who could forget the sight of the owner of Alpha Omega Dairy proudly receiving show prizes from the owner of Alpha Omega Dairy?

Nobody phones supermarkets forcing them to stock our national yoghurt anymore? People are even brave enough to demand what the company owes? No big orders from people wanting to please the leadership? No use of state resources for business? The company has to operate just like any other struggling firm? You think you have grown up and no longer want Amai’s milk?

We know that people are avoiding Alpha Omega products like the plague because not all of us can afford to be airlifted to South Africa like others. We can barely afford a kombi to Harare Hospital. There are no drugs there, at least until our new Amai’s next visit.

Poll observer

It was pleasing to hear that Zimbabwe sent a delegation to South Africa this week to observe the neighbour’s elections. This is the sort of good neighbourliness that we are known for. We have always been there to lend a hand wherever we can.

Our expertise in the field of elections is unparalleled across the region, which is why we have seen emissaries from leading democracies such as the Democratic Republic of Congo making a beeline to Zimbabwe to learn from our ways.

Remember, we even sent a top-level Zimbabwe Electoral Commission delegation last year to Russia, another leading democracy, to exchange notes on how to properly run elections. Going forward, we will recommend to Sadc to allow Zimbabwe to run elections across the region. We have experience in running elections that go so smoothly that even winners don’t know how they won.

Inept government

George Guvamatanga, the Finance ministry permanent secretary, this week announced something that the entire nation had already heard: that we have incompetent people in government.

According to Guvamatanga, we have bad deals because they are “negotiated by people without the necessary skills”.

He added: “You actually find instances where delegations of very high-level government officials, including ministers, travelling on various reasons and come back with transactions poorly negotiated.”

No surprise there. The only surprise here is that Guvamatanga does not know that foreign trips to meet investors are only meant to be shopping junkets for chefs. Since when do government officials travel abroad to do any actual work?

Does George really expect ministers to allow low-level technical experts to go on trips in their place? So that allowances are paid to experts and not ministers? So that these experts can shop at Dubai Mall, and not our leaders? Did we go to war to just allow small accountants and engineers to go on aeroplanes in our place? What treason is this Guvamatanga outsider trying to preach here?

Be careful

The Zanu PF Youth League is at it again! Not content with just campaigning for Mnangagwa to be the presidential candidate for 2023 despite the septuagenarian leader stumbling blindly in his current term yet he has not even reached the halfway stage, they are now calling for him to fire what they call saboteurs from government.

The Youth League chairperson Pupurai Togarepi has told us that they are finalising the list of top civil servants who are working to sabotage Mnangagwa’s government.

“We are finalising the list of anti-establishment civil servants. These have to go now. Youths and patriotic citizens should take up these posts,” Togarepi fumed.

The excitable “youth” leader should probably be careful because such a purge will definitely claim the scalps of a number of incompetent ministers in Mnangagwa’s government such as the president’s ally and Transport minister Joram “Jerry Can” Gumbo, who declared that they had procured enough fuel for the next two years despite the current fuel shortage that has resulted in long, winding queues for the precious liquid.

Togarepi should probably talk to his boss and tell him that the economy is not fixed by creating artificial exchange rates, threatening business nor is confidence in his leadership brought by sending soldiers to shoot civilians in broad daylight rather than hallucinating about sabotage.

Zinara kings living in lap of luxury

We were all happy to read this week that our roads authority, Zinara, is in the hands of health-conscious fashionistas who will spare no expenses to look good and stay healthy.

At a parliamentary hearing, it was reported that each Zinara director got US$4 000 in allowances. More than US$60 000 was spent on hairstyle allowances, with one special salon getting over US$25 000 for making sure female Zinara directors look good as they go about their business.

It was also reported that Zinara spent piles of money installing gym equipment at chefs’ residences, while also paying monthly gym subscriptions. This came as a shock to Muckraker, who has been blessed enough to interact frequently with a higher-up at Zinara. Looking at him, there is no evidence that he puts this gym subscription to any use.

So, each time you pay your money to pass a tollgate, smile in the knowledge that you are making your small, patriotic contribution towards making sure that, while our chefs are stealing, at least they are doing so while looking fit and beautiful.

We cannot have our high-level thieves looking like dishevelled burglars or Mbare pickpockets. We must maintain our standards as a nation.