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Which club could market the Zim brand?

WHEN the Thailand Prime Minister recently made known his intentions to take up a major stake in Liverpool football club using public funds, one would have dismissed the thought that our own President Mugabe could pull off such a scheme to

boost the waning fortunes of Zanu PF Inc trading as the Republic of Zimbabwe.

To think about this slightly deeper would not be entirely outside the radar of the think tanks at Munhumutapa Building.

The problem would be finding an appropriate club to purchase which would truly or closely help to market the Zimbabwe brand. Piecing together what this brand is made of would present major problems for the prospective negotiators or business scouts.

Take a look at a possible brief that would possibly emanate from Munhumutapa Building. The product – a landlocked country in southern Africa which was the bread basket for the region but has now been reduced to a basket case. A country with a total population of over 12 million with a substantial part forced to live outside it in fear of its own rulers.

Price – no meaningful economic value can be placed on it at the moment as everything has been fixed by the authorities. This includes the amount of food available, the exchange rate, the census results, election results and the number of white children at schools throughout the country.

What can be said though is that the country’s economy is deteriorating at a slower pace akin to someone slowing down in their death process even though demise is inevitable. Thank you very much Mr Eric Bloch.

Promotion – Zimbabwe is a sovereign state and will never be a colony again but will now rely on tourists from China, fuel from Equatorial Guinea, goodwill and sympathy from South Africa and foreign exchange from Zimbabweans doing menial jobs in the diaspora.

People – we are a traumatised people who have never experienced free and fair elections since 1980. We sent our own troops to butcher over 20 000 Zimbabweans simply because they supported a party that we never liked, our leaders are severe schizoids.

Processes – the only things that we allow to work are those that preserve the posterity of Zanu PF and not Zimbabwe. We spite anyone whose success we cannot attribute to the gratitude of the party and will not hesitate to pull down anyone who dares to cross this line.

Maybe, just maybe a football club for sale could be found that fits this bill. Millwall may be a club whose supporters have a history of prejudice and violence and simply do not like to lose.

The party could look even closer to home for clubs whose management players are of a violent disposition, have no qualms about grabbing things, be they material or cash. I am certain these could be found. You think I am having a laugh? No ways.

Bekithemba Mhlanga,


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