AS the hunger-induced race to outdo each other in collaboration with the regime gets hotter within the opposition circles, Muckraker has a mouth-watering idea for anyone desperate to join the feeding trough — whose access, it seems, almost everyone is now prepared to kill for.
After the court dutifully dismissed the challenge to Resolution No. 1 of “The Party” by Cde Mbuso Fuzwayo and his Ibhetshu Likazulu outfit, the now washed-up activist must surely hunt for a new revenue stream, given the fallout from his show-court theatrics.
But since we are deep in the 4ED season, and since he clearly enjoyed the proceeds of his lucrative courtroom spectacle, Cde Fuzwayo might as well think long-term about how to keep food on the table for himself and his loved ones.
How about seriously and openly joining the bandwagon? There is absolutely nothing shameful about it. He would not be the first to become “sensible and pragmatic”, nor will he be the last.
Bellytics take dominance
The struggle has truly been long and painful. It seems many have now given up, judging by the stampede to return to “The Party” — even by those who have no record of ever being members before. This week, Cde Godfrey Tsenengamu finalised his own return by launching the outfit “Zanu PF New Recruits & Returnees”.
Muck will not blame him. He has merely done what all good politicians do by nature, be untrustworthy. Politicians, no matter their hue, are opportunistic creatures, just like hyenas. What is happening should shock no one.
Over the years, we have seen too many politicians abandon their principles the moment they started feeling pangs of hunger: Edgar Tekere, Gabriel Chaibva, Eddie Cross, James Maridadi … the list is longer than the trans-Siberian railway line. These are just the bold ones who came out in the open.
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Many others prefer to remain underground because, being lifelong moles, it is strategic for them to stay hidden. There are too many of them!
The now late Nigerian activist and playwright, Ken Saro-Wiwa, was right when he warned that all human beings, no matter who they are, first and foremost practise politics of the belly. That makes them “bellyticians”, because the belly always wins over principles. Show Muck one person who ever went to bed with a belly full of principles. Just one!
False hopes
This week, Information minister Cde Jenfan Muswere told Zimbos that the government is going to slash the controversial car radio licensing fees after the recent public outcry. This is merely the latest in a long line of the regime’s promises.
If the intention is genuine, which Muck doubts, officials should make such announcements after the reductions have actually happened.
Whether it’s car radio licences, passport fees, vehicle registration charges, or the many extortionate levies, which government piles on the overtaxed citizens, nothing should be announced before it is done. Those of us who have been Zimbos long enough know that it may take years before anything happens at all.
The only threats that materialise quickly are the self-serving ones, such as ICT minister “Dr” Tatenda Mavetera’s threat to partner police in ensuring the installation of the Starlink gizmos at all roadblocks so that swipe machines operate 24/7 to facilitate the extortion of moolah from motorists on the country’s pockmarked roads. Looting, after all, requires a day-and-night supply chain. Those threats require no follow-up; they deliver themselves. No other threats do.
Nxa-a
This week, Bellarmine Chatunga Mugabe, the last-born of the former Owner Robert Gabriel Mugabe, took to social media to anger super-patriots such as Muck. Chatunga reminded Zimbos that November 17 marked the anniversary of his family’s ejection from State House amid national pomp and fanfare, a “development” he likened to selling a refrigerator and replacing it with a cooler box.
The little boy is clearly big-headed, behaving like a spoilt brat. He needs a few manners restored. Together with fellow members of Cde Andrew Pasinawako’s Anti-Presidential Criticism, Muck will ensure that this aberration is rectified like yesterday.
Silly
Aliko Dangote was here, signing billion-dollar deals with us. Ungrateful Zimbos are asking what became of the previous breathless succession of billion-dollar deals across all sectors. Silly Zimbos! Don’t they see the cars and cash being dished out like confetti?
