MUCKRAKER: From a soon-to-be prophetess Dr Amai to Minister without Finance

It is reported that Chiyangwa held a rally, where he donated plates and cups to the crowd. But he gave them something far more valuable; a lecture on how to run a successful business.


MUCKRAKER congratulates the people of Zvimba who were last weekend blessed with the opportunity to sit through a business lecture from Phillip Chiyangwa, one of the country’s most credible entrepreneurs.

It is reported that Chiyangwa held a rally, where he donated plates and cups to the crowd. But he gave them something far more valuable; a lecture on how to run a successful business.

Chiyangwa advised them: “When you pick up an idea, you have to develop it into action and along the way if you see it’s not working, do not be shy to abandon that route.”

The man cannot be accused of lying to those villagers. Anyone who has followed his alleged investments in property can testify that he is one of the country’s foremost experts in the field of abandoned projects.

Dr Amai’s prayers In Gweru this week, there was a bout of religious fervour as the country’s current Dr Amai and her large entourage rolled into town for a prayer meeting.

Due to her vision, which is obviously by divine appointment, she managed to gather various church groups.

According to the Herald, “so oversubscribed was the service that some worshippers could be seen jostling to enter the stadium even when the programme was over”. At this rate, we shall soon see her forming a church and adding the title of Prophetess to her long list of accolades.

At the meeting, she said she had led prayers to end things like ritual killings, machete gangs, armed robberies and other forms of violence.

She had also prayed “against child marriages, drug and substance abuse, school drop-outs due to unwanted pregnancies, loose morals, violence of any nature, hate speech, natural disasters and all ills affecting our country”.

She then said, due to her prayers, “the results are there for everyone to see”.

Clearly, on current evidence, either the heavens are ignoring her prayers, or she prayed for these vices to increase.

AirZim task A new board has been appointed at Air Zimbabwe to oversee the country’s massive fleet of eight airplanes, it was announced this week.

New chairperson Silvanos Gwarinda, has a plan to turn around that airline.

“We will leave no stone unturned until we get the winning formula for Air Zimbabwe’s turnaround business plan. We truly believe that this task is surmountable — if we all work together as a team. Our strength is going to be as good as our weakest link,” Gwarinda said.

We wish him luck. When he tries to refuse to lend out plane rides for free, he will realise what every clever-for-nothing chap who has gone into that job with big ideas found out; some stones are better left unturned.

Competence Over on Samora Machel Avenue, the Minister without Finance Mthuli Ncube and his sidekick John Mangudya have been making their usual patriotic sounds over the past week.

Mthuli released an alleged mid-term review, while Mangudya released one statement or the other. Both chaps told us that all will be fine, and that inflation is under control.

The Sunday Mail, as one does when they are a patriot, is fully sold. In an editorial titled Supplementary budget well thought-out, the paper told us things that we didn’t already know.

According to the paper: “Our national funds are run by people who can add and subtract.”

Frankly, looking around the economy, that is hard to tell.

The paper was not done, telling us: “This competence is working already and fairly. Obviously, Minister Ncube plans to keep it working while he and the RBZ continue their fight against manipulators and so tame inflation.”

This may be the first time that the word “competence” was used in the same paragraph as the words “Ncube” and “RBZ”.

Of serious crimes The nation is currently still coming to terms with the tragic murder of a young woman, Samantha Dzapata. Last week, she was shot and killed by her abusive boyfriend, Tafadzwa Murengwa.

Before killing her, Murengwa had gone about town throwing cash out of his car; according to one report, “shortly after being granted bail by a magistrate where he was accused of assaulting the now deceased Dzapata”.

Of course, if you are a repeat abuser who beats up women, you can get bail from our courts, sometimes even with the agreement of our esteemed prosecutors.

The only way you can be kept in jail and denied bail is if you have been arrested for more serious crimes, such as complaining about the price of bread or for daring to harbour dangerous thoughts of preferring another party in power.

Own enemy News that Zimbabwe is pushing for a seat on the United Nations Security Council should fill all patriots with joy.

According to the government, Zimbabwe has put forward its name as a candidate for a seat, which would be a deserving position for such an important country.

The government said it is confident that Zimbabwe will grab the seat, because “President Mnangagwa’s administration is reaching out to the world using its robust engagement and re-engagement policy”.

According to the government: “The President has declared Zimbabwe to be an enemy of none and friend to all.”

That is right. The Zimbabwe government has no foreign enemies. Its only enemies are its own people here at home.

Good when dead Following the death of playwright Cont Mhlanga, there were a lot of tributes from those he worked with. There were also tributes from those that tried to shut him up.

The Office of the President described Mhlanga as “one of Zimbabwe’s most respected icons in the arts sector”. Which may explain why, for example, he was once invited to a police station for a few of his plays.

Muckraker remembers witnessing one incident years ago in which a theatre was emptied during a performance of Mhlanga’s play, The Good President.

What was the play about? It featured some grannie describing to her grandchild what a good President looks like. Obviously, nobody was going to take kindly to a play in which a good leader was described as someone who does not steal and so forth.

Clearly, the play had to be shut down. Artists only get favourable words from the government when they die.