AFTER the callous murder of Moreblessing Ali, the nation was shocked to hear that some opposition activists were so angry that they started attacking people for no reason.
The Herald, which publishes nothing but the truth, used words such as “yobs” and “goons” to describe people who allegedly attacked the home of a Zanu PF official, who had led efforts to take over Ali’s funeral the night before.
Clearly, the country’s owners have been missing this sort of violence. They just seemed surprised that some of these tame opposition people would get tired of the lack of the law enforcement and act in the unfortunate way they did.
We can understand the shrill noises and the shock at all this violence. Zanu PF does not like competition.
Where was widespread horror at the Zimbabwe Republic Police headquarters this week when it was suggested by a senior official that police are supposed to be impartial.
Responding to the violence in Chitungwiza, Nick Mangwana, the country’s most trusted human, gasped: “Louts who perpetrate criminal acts will be dealt with in terms of the law, without fear or favour.”
Police were shocked to hear that. They were unaware that they are meant to act fairly in law enforcement. Arresting people “without fear or favour” will get a cop dismissed from the ZRP at short notice.
“Politicians should stop using young people as cannon fodder to remain relevant. This is not on,” Mangwana went on. This should shock everyone at Shake Shake Building, where using young people as cannon fodder is party policy.
Speaking of our fine police, the nation was left perplexed when it was reported that traffic cops had declined bribes at a roadblock.
According to the Chronicle, six drivers were arrested near Bulawayo.
“The suspects offered bribes to police officers with cash ranging from US$2 to US$4 and R100, with the intention of evading arrests for various traffic offences,” the paper quoted the police spokesperson as saying.
Near Norton, another blitz saw motorists getting arrested for offering bribes “ranging from US$2 to US$10, each”.
Those drivers sure deserved to be arrested. We know that bribing police officers is not a crime. What is a serious criminal act is insulting our officers by offering them just US$2 as a bribe. Clearly, anyone who pays such an insulting bribe needs to be locked up with no hesitation.
Mimbabwe’s workers must have enjoyed themselves reading the latest instalment of the drivel delivered weekly to the Sunday Mail, allegedly written by Emmerson Mnangagwa, the country’s alleged President.
In the latest article, the country’s owner says the country must start being self-reliant, and that to achieve this, workers must be paid their dues.
“Like everything else, the land is transformed through labour. The worker must be rewarded and respected,” Mnangagwa’s barely concealed ghost writer said. We cannot have an economy “where workers cannot afford even the most basic goods produced by their own sweat”, the man allegedly wrote, chiding businesses for paying workers poorly.
This must have confused civil servants. It must have been a shock for them to hear their employer saying that he is actually aware that workers deserve respect. His way of showing them respect is making sure their Zimbabwean dollar salaries now amount to just about US$30.
Muckraker will be joining the rest of the nation in cheering on nominees for the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (Zec). They will be appearing before Members of Parliament for public interviews today.
What a stellar set of nominees we have.
Among them is one Emmanuel Musara, who tried many times to become a Zanu PF MP, but was rejected countless times by his party. He will be hoping for better luck at Zec. That he was once arrested on allegations of murdering an opposition activist in 2008 is neither here nor there. It, in fact, is a key qualification for the job at hand.
Then of course there is lawyer Jacqueline Sande, who has publicly called Nelson Chamisa a “dangerous opposition leader” and that keeping the “status quo” is a better option for the country.
Again, here is one person who totally qualifies for the Zec. What more qualification could the MPs ask for to occupy an independent commission, that a person who has shown to be independently biased.
After much noise making last week by Zanu PF on how it is so organised from the grassroots up, there has been deafening silence this week after it held its “National Cell Day” at the weekend.
The reeling party threatened farmers and anyone they think has time to waste, ordering them to attend cell meetings all around the country. Of course, there was a massive turnout.
For instance, in Beitbridge, as many as five people showed up at a meeting attended by Kembo Mohadi, the country’s most famous axe man.
“We will be back here on July 2 and I want to see an improvement,” an unimpressed Mohadi told the massive crowd.
“On that day, I want to see faces and not just a register. It’s just one day and we must show commitment. I am disappointed with this lack of commitment.”
Of course, opposition CCC has been enjoying all this. Why would they not? They are happy that, at least, they are not the only disorganised party with zero structures in the country.
Muckraker was surprised to see all the outrage this week after one of the country’s finest hotels, Meikles, told its guests that there was no warm water for showers due to power cuts in the city.
“If you require hot water for bathing, please contact our housekeeping department on extension 82, and a bucket will be delivered to you,” the hotel told guests.
So what is the problem here? Surely, we all know how tourism works. People travel all around the world to experience local lifestyles. Bathing in a bucket in the middle of winter is just the Zimbabwean experience we should be selling to the foreign markets.
Next, local adventures, such as jumping over puddles of sewage and dealing forex on the streets, must be added to our tourism promotional adverts.