The Fiddler For far too long males have had it all their own way. They have dominated women and relegated them to a subordinate role. Sex-obsessed men have treated women as sexual playthings.
But all that was about to change. Matriarchy was soon to replace patriarchy. Indeed many females maintained that they had won the gender battle for supremacy a long time back; all that was left was to institutionalise this new social order.
There were many examples of all around the world of women putting their spouses in their proper place.
From Pakistan, a man asked the government’s human rights organisation to help him obtain a divorce because his wife kept beating him up. “My powerfully built wife often pummels me with her fists whenever I ask her to cook for me or do some other domestic work,” said Arif Masih.
In the USA, a Chicago air traffic controller sought US$300 000 in damages from the federal government. Douglas Hartman claimed he was insulted and humiliated at a government-sponsored training workshop. Hartman (43) claimed he was groped, fondled and verbally harassed by women workers in role-reversal exercises at the workshop.
In Zimbabwe a 39-year-old woman launched a solo campaign to encourage eligible residents to register to vote ahead of the 2023 general elections. Concerned about the low numbers of persons registering to vote, Cora Ndebele warned that if the situation doesn’t improve, women could withhold certain privileges from their partners. She added: “Your ‘hubby’ that we love so much, should register. If not ingubo kazitholi (no to sexual intercourse) until he is registered. He must show you his registration slip. Even our boyfriends, bosisi should register. You can’t be in love with an irresponsible citizen. No hugs, kisses and everything until he is registered”.
This joke also reflects the women’s dominant position. A man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he sees two lines of waiting men. The first line has a sign that says “Henpecked Husbands”. The line is full of an endless queue of men that stretches far out of site. The sign above the second line says, “Non-Henpecked Husbands”. This line is empty, aside from a single scrawny man who was just entering it.
The recently deceased man approaches the single occupant of the second line and taps him on the shoulder. “Excuse me,” he says, “but can I ask why you’re the only man in this line?” The man in the line frowns defensively and says, “My wife told me to stand here”.
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A Zimbabwean psychologist has recently enlightened us by informing us that the availability of sex toys to females would soon render redundant the males’ role as the supplier of the instrument for sexual gratification, a role often performed ineptly by the males. The psychologist said what men can do, women can find elsewhere. Women had become far more independent and had the money to enjoy themselves. The world is obsessed by non-human objects like computers, video games, cell phones and now sex toys. Dildos come with very little emotional attachment because they don’t lead to heartbreak. Men are no longer very compassionate, loving and caring, and are unavailable to give females satisfaction. Females no longer need emotional attachment to males and don’t need them to be happy. For them sex is a game that they can play on their own.
The song, Sisters are Doing it for Themselves first released in 1985 foretold what was in the offing but men were too stupid to realise that they were being sidelined. This song included such memorable lines as:
So we’re coming out of the kitchen/ ‘Cause there’s somethin’ we forgot to say to you, we say/ Sisters are doin’ it for themselves/ Standin’ on their own two feet/ And ringin’ on their own bells, we say/ Sisters are doin’ it for themselves/ Now this is a song/ To celebrate/ The conscious liberation/ Of the female state.”
In the light of the use of sex toys, maybe a line should be added, “Sisters are doing it to themselves.”
All that was left was for the de facto position of female superiority to be confirmed by the law. To facilitate the passing of the necessary legal instruments, women first expelled all the male parliamentarians and replaced them with Honourable Sisters.
The gender corrected Parliament decided that the present anti-gender discrimination clause had to be scrapped. Previously it had been naively believed that this provision would ensure gender equality and prevent men from discriminating against women. In practice, men simply ignored this provision and continued to suppress and exploit women. In any event, the provision only sought to guarantee gender equality instead of entrenching female superiority over men. The existing provision was therefore amended to read: “All men are inferior and subordinate to women and all women shall have the absolute right to relegate men to the place that they should have occupied since the dawn of creation”.
In addition to the new constitutional provisions, Parliament enacted a new law entitled, “the Regulation of the Behaviour of All Males in Conformity With the Superior Status of All Females Act. This law set out in detail the rights of females and the duties of men. These are some of this law’s many provisions:
Men must only be seen and heard when absolutely necessary.
Men must normally stay at home and carry out housekeeping and household maintenance duties. In exceptional circumstances such as going out to collect groceries and anything else that females may require, men must always wear a specially designed male hadjib when they are in public places.
Every man must make himself available to provide an intimate service to any female wishing to go old school instead of using a vibrator.
Men may only be employed in menial jobs that females do not wish to perform. All senior positions may only be occupied by women.
No man may enjoy himself or consume alcohol or recreational drugs.
As all babies will now be produced in artificial wombs after fertilisation in a glass vessel by combining a female egg with a sperm, carefully selected male suppliers with top quality sperm will provide the sperm.
Every male must attend a course on how to perform his inferior role in society. Attendees unable to pass the final exam will be exterminated.