THIS week, the country was shocked at people who expressed shock that Zanu PF is a violent organisation.
In Kwekwe, a group of men attacked a rally of opposition supporters and killed one of them. According to a police report, most of the culprits were listed as “unemployed”.
This is hardly surprising. We all know that these are the people the revolutionary party prefers. We cannot have employed youths working for the nation. Those ones are too independent and too disobedient when given national tasks such as wielding spears in the 21st Century.
Zanu PF likes jobless youths. Why else do you think it likes creating millions of them every day?
Zanu PF shock
While there was nothing shocking about Zanu PF using violence, what was shocking and horrifying was news that the suspected perpetrators had been arrested.
News that the killers had been arrested sent shockwaves throughout Zanu PF. Since when did killing political opponents suddenly become a crime in the country, many patriots wondered?
How can a mere police officer be daring enough to raid a lodge owned by a Zanu PF militia leader who once, by accident, found himself as a minister?
No wonder the issue was corrected immediately, with some of the youths being let to go. We have no doubt that the offending police officers who made these arrests, and even identified the culprits by party affiliation, will soon be relieved of their duties.
This is not the Zimbabwe Republic Police that we are used to. We cannot have them arresting people for merely killing political rivals. Where would the party be if people suddenly were allowed to go about freely without being stabbed by spears?
Ahead of Nelson Chamisa’s Kwekwe rally, everyone had been given clear orders; crush the lice.
Speaking at a rally on Saturday, Vice-President Constantino Chiwenga, a world-renowned liberator, said: “I have heard others here saying down with triple C, let me assure you that there is nothing that it can achieve, you see how we crush lice with a stone. You put it on a flat stone and then flatten it to the extent that even flies will not make a meal out of it. That is what we are going to do to CCC.”
What were patriots supposed to do, when everyone had been given such clear orders to crush pesky lice? We are an obedient people.
According to Chiwenga: “We are a Goliath and CCC is a small insignificant party.”
No doubt, someone did not read up to the end of that David versus Goliath story to see how it ended.
Speaking of violence, it was refreshing to hear Saviour Kasukuwere calling for peace after the Kwekwe attacks.
According to Kasukuwere: “Violence should be strongly condemned. The loss of human life in Kwekwe yesterday is unacceptable. Let ideas be the basis for winning the hearts and minds of the people and not violence.”
Now, we all know that Kasukuwere is a man known all around the world as a man of peace and harmony. If you ask anyone in Mashonaland Central, and the areas around Mt Darwin in particular, they will all testify that the man is a unifier.
But just do not speak to one Hilton Chironga, who, in an interview with the Standard in 2017, recalled violence at the hands of Kasukuwere.
Chironga was quoted as saying: “As my brother lay in a pool of blood, we were taken to a bushy area where I was forced to drink that herbicide, paraquat.”
Obvious, Chironga, and many others who saw Kasukuwere personally supervising violent attacks over the years, imagined all the deaths and blood.
He is not a man of violence, but ideas, even though nobody has ever heard him give one bright idea. The man is basically the Dali Lama who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
Dubai gravy train
While many are focused on politics, the gravy train has never stopped moving.
The Dubai Expo has been good to local chefs. A report by parliament says Zimbabwe has gained nothing from the expo, yet scores of officials have travelled back and forth to Dubai and making good money in allowances and staying in fine hotels.
According to a report by Members of Parliament: “The top executives (of state-owned companies) did not bring anything from the expo reminding them parliament would call them again for specific details on the expo.”
Even a Zanu PF MP, Tendai Nyabani of Rushinga, was shocked at the bare Zimbabwe stand at Dubai Expo.
Surely, these MPs forget to tell us that the big allowances that our leaders and parastatal chefs bring from these useless trips abroad help the economy. Again, have people not heard about Trickle Down Economics? Let us all be patient and wait under the tables for crumbs to trickle down to us the povo.
Sex work now a job
There was delight all around the land this week after it was declared that sex workers will soon be considered in the nation’s employment figures.
“Sex workers will be considered as gainfully employed during the National Population and Housing Census to be held next month as they contribute to national economic activity,” according to media reports.
This should shame those who have been touting unpatriotic data, such as claims that Zimbabwe’s unemployment rate is as high as 90%. We all know that, according to the government, unemployment is just 11%.
In fact, according to Sithembiso Nyoni, the eternal Minister of SMEs, the unemployment rate is actually 5,7% unemployment as “most people employ themselves”.
This is what President Emmerson Mnangagwa meant that day he returned from a brief stint in exile, promising “jobs, jobs, jobs”. We are all grateful.