HomeAnalysisMUCKRAKER: Old trivia: Habitual thief Mpofu defies gravity

MUCKRAKER: Old trivia: Habitual thief Mpofu defies gravity

This week, Zanu PF announced it does not interfere in the affairs of the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (Zec). The news was met with surprise at Zec.

The ruining party director of information and publicity Tafadzwa Mugwadi, at a press conference, told journalists, who obviously had nothing better to do, that his party has no intention of messing up with Zec.

“We would want a situation where an electoral body acts independently as it sees fit and as a player, we fit in to what has been organised while we raise queries dully,” Mugwadi said.

Just this week, Zec admitted it had unfairly barred an opposition candidate and his four nominators in Chinhoyi. Zec had claimed they were not on the voters’ roll, when, in fact, they were and had voted in 2018.

When questioned by the candidate, Zec apologised and said the “anomaly arose due to administrative errors”. This is why Mugwadi’s comments that Zec does not serve Zanu PF must have come as a surprise to everyone at the commission.

Old trivia
An intrepid historian, Paul Hubbard, obviously with little else to do with his time, has been digging up old articles on one of the country’s finest entrepreneurs.

Hubbard posted an old Chronicle article from 1992, in which one Obert Mpofu was fined for stealing a cold room door from a women’s club in Umguza.

First, Mpofu had claimed that he had bought the door. Later, when quizzed further by the police, who at that time were evidently not as patriotic as they are today, Mpofu changed his story. He told them he had just found the door abandoned at his shop. Obviously, people were generous those days.

Another article mentioned Mpofu’s role in cattle theft. These days, Mpofu spends more of his days grabbing farms. He has had many years of field practice.

We are sure the person who posted these articles thought he was sullying Obert’s image. Well, he just managed to do the opposite.

A history of theft and robbery? This just confirms why Obert has risen up the ladder in his party. A man of vast experience, he is most qualified for a senior post in a criminal organisation.

Diplomat Chinamasa
The nation was in celebratory mood this week after it was announced that one of the country’s own, Patrick Chinamasa, has been appointed to a top regional diplomatic panel.

It was announced that Chinamasa was one of those who will sit on the Sadc Mediation and Conflict Prevention and Preventive Diplomacy. This means that Chinamasa will have the role of roaming all over Southern Africa with a level head.

This is, of course, the same Chinamasa who cannot speak calmly as a rule, even when he is opening bins in Rusape. No doubt the region has run out of diplomats.

According to the Herald, Chinamasa has an “illustrious career in government”. That, of course, includes his stint as Finance minister, during which he pulled off the miracle of creating bond notes that were equal to the US dollar. No doubt the region can learn from such expertise.

Livid Khupe
Thokozani Khupe has had a rather uncomfortable start to the year. One day, she was coasting along as leader of her own party, which garnered a massive 45 000 votes nationwide, or a commanding 0,96% of the vote. The next day, some usurper called Douglas Mwonzora had stolen it from her and expelled her from parliament. Now she cannot touch the ZW$150 million that is being doled out to the faction for its service to the country. She is livid. All this is because she is a woman, she fumed.

“When it was Morgan Tsvangirai and Tendai Biti the money was divided into two, but this time around because it is Thokozani Khupe, a woman, and Mwonzora, a man, the minister wants the full amount to go to Mwonzora,” Khupe said.

She is taking this insult to the United Nations and the African Union “so that they see the amount of victimisation and discrimination against women”.

We are sure that the UN will immediately set aside the Tigrayan conflict, the Ukraine standoff, the Sahel famine, the Cameroon genocide, the West African coups, Covid-19, cyclones and climate change to deal with the more pressing matter of Khupe’s fight with Mwonzora.

Chirau is right
Zanu PF’s alleged youth leader Tendai Chirau, known obviously for his sharp intellect, had yet another bright idea this week.
We should have our own local sanctions, he told a meeting of the Zanu PF rabble the other day.
anu PF’s alleged youth leader Tendai Chirau, known obviously for his sharp intellect, had yet another bright idea this week.

“We must actually activate local sanctions against people who are against the aspirations of this country,” Chirau screamed. Parties that fight against the development of the country, are anti-people, and are “promoting drug abuse”, must have sanctions imposed on them.

Local sanctions against the people who are against development? The people standing in the way of our nation’s aspirations? The people leading our youths into drugs? What a great idea, Chirau.

The people of Zimbabwe agree with you. They know the people behind all this. Please, Mr Chirau, at your earliest convenience, kindly forward all the names of Zanu PF leaders for immediate processing.

Our commiserations to actress Thandiwe Newton, who has been having a hard time letting go of colonialism.
Apologising over her recent tiff with the British Film Industry, Newton said: “As a British Zimbabwean, I’m devastated by the human rights abuses being suffered in our ex-colony.”
ur commiserations to actress Thandiwe Newton, who has been having a hard time letting go of colonialism.

Not even a stuffy Lord Farquhar of Harrow and Sandhurst would hark back to “ex-colony” in this century, at least not in public. Thandiwe reminds us of one, Winston Churchill, who so famously called colonialism “a lot of jolly little wars against barbarous peoples”.

Muckraker is relieved that our Thandiwe is taking a break from Twitter. Hopefully, she can use her time off that drug to read at least one book, or even two, if she can manage.

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