FINALLY, the days of suffering for merely being in the opposition are now over. It is now a rewarding exercise.
Gone are the days of the First Republic, where people would have their skulls cracked simply for stating basic facts, such as saying “Mugabe is a goblin”.
This week, the nation celebrated the end of toxic politics, as President Emmerson Mnangagwa, once again showing his renowned generosity and kind heart, gave out brand new cars to members of Political Actors Dialogue (Polad), a psychosocial support group for election losers. With the cars, the losers will now feel a lot better about themselves, and be an example to others all over the country.
We are so grateful to have such a unifying president leading us.
Pity that people like Morgan Tsvangirai wasted their time having their heads bashed in for simply breathing.
If only he had known that all he needed to do was to get as few votes as possible in order to be taken seriously.
Our congratulations to all Polad members, especially Professor Lovemore Madhuku.
“I am a political leader in Zimbabwe. I lead a party called NCA (National Constitutional Assembly). The vehicle will help me to spread the Polad approach and build the NCA. Wait and see,” Madhuku said.
News that Madhuku is leading anyone will come as a massive surprise to many across the country.
According to available statistics, including data from the world’s most transparent electoral commission, Zec, Prof Madhuku was so popular that he garnered zero votes at 8 875 polling stations across the country.
In other words, at over 80% of all polling stations, he was so popular that people decided not to vote for him, deciding to donate their votes out of pity for lesser known candidates like Nelson Chamisa and Mnangagwa.
Clearly, some leaders are so wise that they lead themselves.
The huge outpouring of support for members of Polad must put to shame those who have always chosen to undermine this most national of initiatives.
Woe unto donor-funded organisations like Afrobarometer, which claimed that 73% of Zimbabweans do not trust Polad.
“Most Zimbabweans think that the national dialogue process should go beyond political parties and include participation by other stakeholders, including businesses, churches and civil society. But only about one in four citizens endorse the Polad framework as the only viable option for bringing stability and development to Zimbabwe, while almost half of citizens do not offer an opinion on the Polad framework,” Afrobarometer said recently.
Shame on them. All we know, for sure, is that there are even many in the opposition MDC Alliance who are making loud noises in protest, but are in fact secretly salivating at those new vehicles. We all know that the smell of new cars is a drug to our politicians.
According to an imperialist newspaper, the Wall Street Journal, Vice-President Constantino Chiwenga showed up in Beijing for treatment for “a throat problem”. That his visit caused a panic in the city after one of his minions tested positive for Covid-19 is neither here nor there.
“Hundreds of hotel guests at the Legendale Hotel in Beijing were forced to quarantine on Thursday,” it was reported.
But, honestly, why all the panic? What is a little virus shared among friends?
Now we see some jealous people asking if this is the same Chiwenga who, not too long ago, said we must no longer seek treatment outside, given that our healthcare system is the envy of the world.
He said: “We will not export our patients. We will not make referrals to our patients. It is everybody, ministers.”
Clearly, people misquoted him. There is nothing wrong for anyone who has amassed their own wealth though sheer hard work to charter a flight and pop over to Beijing for a quick health check, even for an itchy throat.
While the country was spending some of its few coins bribing politicians, Professor Mthuli Ncube was in parliament telling the nation that the country is still reliant on donors.
Muckraker, clearly with time to waste as usual, spent time reading Mthuli’s budget statement. Apparently, donors have so far this year given us US$273 440 246 to save us from ourselves.
“Support during the first half of the year amounted to US$430 million, of which US$273,4 million was from bilateral whilst US$156,7 million was from multilateral partners,” said the man from Oxford.
The money is going into useless things that the country can obviously do without, things like hospitals, education and food. Why these donors are wasting money on a country that is so rich is a mystery.
This is the best economic lesson we have had this century. All along, we pedestrians were convinced that economic growth comes from actually managing an economy prudently, growing investment and ensuring that people have enough incomes to buy things that are produced by industries.ccording to the Herald, the globally respected newspaper of truth and facts: “Zimbabwe is poised for unstoppable economic growth after Finance and Economic Development minister Professor Mthuli Ncube on Thursday reviewed upwards the country’s economic growth target from 7,4 percent to 7,8 percent.”
Who knew that to achieve “unstoppable economic growth”, one simply had to predict it?
Meanwhile, the entire nation was this week discussing a critical issue: a rhumba song.
Apparently, from what we are told, a Congolese musician came to Zimbabwe and was paid by a false prophet a good bit of money to mention the country’s owner in a song. Naturally, there was a lot of noise about it, which is all very confusing.
Firstly, is it the first time that people have been paid to sing someone’s praises? Secondly, can’t people stop being so angry and find their own musicians to pay and sing for their own favourite politicians?
We are sure Kanye West is available to come here and do a song in praise of Douglas Mwonzora. That would, no doubt, see him garnering the 60% he has threatened to win in 2023.