MUCKRAKER:From a compassionate Mpofu to a prayerful Mother of the Nation

MUCKRAKER

AFTER weeks of denying lies peddled by Western-sponsored regime change agents that Zanu PF was behind recent house demolitions, Zanu PF this week said it was behind recent house demolitions.

According to Obert Mpofu, one of the country’s most compassionate people, these demolitions are not in line with Zanu PF policy.

Said Mpofu: “There have been ongoing demolitions in Mashonaland East province, Harare and Chitungwiza, leading to unwarranted loss of shelter and sources of income for our people. The party’s first secretary and President Emmerson Mnangagwa and all party officials uphold the right to shelter and human dignity. We, therefore, order that the current demolitions should stop forthwith.”

Of course, this confused a lot of super-patriots who had been screaming on top of their lungs, accusing the opposition for being behind the demolitions. They should have known better. When it comes to destruction, only one party has a proven track record, dating back over 40 years.

Anyway, it is always entertaining to see how Zanu PF moves swiftly to claim credit for solving a problem that it has created all on its own.

Farming in secret

In this year’s instalment, it was pleasing to learn that the Zimbabwe Republic Police have discovered an art that many of us can only dream of: farming in secret.ike many other bored natives, Muckraker found himself reading the annual Auditor-General’s report.

Says the report: “The Ministry (of Home Affairs) through the Police Service is operating 16 farms throughout the country with a total hectarage of 11 906. The Ministry did not produce financial records showing how the farming activities were being accounted for.”

Next time people make useless complaints that the police are not available to deal with crime, they must be reminded in no uncertain terms that our fine ZRP officers are busy with more nationally important pursuits, such as growing maize.

Unpatriotic demands

Still with the Auditor-General, many comrades will be shocked by some of the unpatriotic demands Mildred Chiri and her officers have been making.

For the uninitiated, the report itself is released every year. It basically tells us how comrades are using public money. For the avoidance of doubt, it is only released for purposes of entertainment, as no good use has ever been made of it.

Which is why it is laughable seeing statements in the report demanding accountability, such as: “State property and activities may not be accounted for if systems are not in place to ensure transparency and effective reporting.”

Clearly, we need more patriotic people in that office. Just why the Auditor-General expects comrades to share the gains of the liberation struggle with the unwashed masses on the streets, we will never know.

Prayerful First Lady

In all these problems, we are thankful that the country is covered spiritually by the prayers of the mother of the nation.

This week, according to the Herald, the best newspaper in the Southern Hemisphere, “visitors to the First Lady’s offices were startled to find her kneeling down in prayer with her team, showing that she practices what she preaches”.

The paper went on: “Journalists who had visited her office on another assignment had to wait for the mother of the nation who was deep in prayer together with a team from her office.”

A series of officers were lined up to declare how much they admired her prayerful ways.

“It was a marvel to watch the First Lady and her officers clutching their Bibles singing and shouting praises to the Lord prompting the journalists to also join in,” the paper reported.

What a relief to hear that our colleagues at Zimpapers have finally found religion.

Gathering people

After banning gatherings, President Emmerson Mnangagwa decided to gather people.

Within days of the announcement, he was surrounded by the world’s postmen in Victoria Falls at some summit. Before we knew it, he was surrounded by prison officers at a pass out parade. Meanwhile, Zanu PF was holding rallies and organising its grassroots structures.

This is a puzzling thing to see for many of us who, just this week, watched with warm hearts as the Mother of the Nation went on television to pray and exhort all of us to lead by example. It is clear that she forgot to preach this very important Gospel to her husband.

Jealous elements

Over the years, the people of the Kingdom of eSwatini decided they no longer wanted to be ordered around by their owners. They want to decide things on their own. So they started doing subversive activities, like writing letters to the government asking for things like human rights and freedom and so forth.

Naturally, King Mswati III decided that these were treasonous acts. He ordered a ban on such letters. In no time, people were throwing and burning things on the streets for no reason.

In Zimbabwe, such news reached the spokesperson of the country’s owner, who reacted with customary horror. He screamed: “Swaziland is in the grip of a massive disinformation campaign by regime-change forces.”

Of course, comrades have every right to be uncomfortable about such demands. How dare those emaSwati demand that their king pay for social services instead of buying that Jacob & Co Brilliant Skeleton Tourbillon Ruby watch, the limited edition one with just six pieces worldwide, with its 205 Baguette Rubies and diamonds, for a mere US$900 000?

How dare they complain about a faithful husband and father buying 120 BMWs for his wives and kids, as well as a those 19 Rolls Royce motor cars he bought recently?

Can’t people learn to stay in their place? Jealous elements.