THIS week, in our dingy neighbourhood, some of our neighbours heard cries coming from the local vagabond’s house.The man who lives there is known to drink heavily, spending all his money on booze while his kids go out to neighbours’ houses begging for food and clothes. When his kids ask for even a meal, he is known to throw a fit and punch the kids in the face. He does not quite like it when kids ask him for useless things like food, or when they ask him to be a father.
And so some neighbours, who have grown tired of this man’s kids bothering them, decided to go to the house this week, just to find out what the heck the latest screams from there are all about. It is not like they have not tried this before.
Upon arriving at the house, the neighbours asked: “What is happening here? We can hear your kids screaming again.” The man responded: “Nobody is screaming here. It was just the TV.”
And when the neighbours tried to speak to the kids to see if they were OK, the man threw a fit and told the neighbours: “You came to talk to me, not the kids.”
So the neighbours left, and that was that.
Zanu PF letter
The nation was thoroughly entertained by a letter written to ANC by Zanu PF. The ANC’s Ace Magashule came out on TV to criticise the “brutality” in Zimbabwe. This, of course, was not well received at Jongwe Building.
All the videos of soldiers beating up people, cases of abduction and arrests of activists? That is all fake news, Chinamasa said.
“For the record, there is no brutality of whatever form happening in Zimbabwe but enforcement of lockdown regulations,” he said.
He even said “we have (SA police) spraying rubber bullets on their citizens resulting in serious injuries”.
Clearly, Zanu PF is disappointed at anyone using rubber bullets when they could easily use more effective live bullets. We all know that Zimbabwe’s security forces have never killed anyone, except for a few stray bullets that killed thousands during Gukurahundi, eight people during the 1998 food riots, six people on August 1, 2018, and over a dozen in January last year.
We cannot have amateurs like ANC telling Zanu PF how to kill its people. Zanu PF is perfectly able to do it on its own. Zanu PF, basically, told the ANC: “You are killing your people over there too. Leave us to kill ours.”
Muckraker joined other patriotic Zimbabweans in celebrating Defence Forces Day on Tuesday. This is a day in which the people all across the country traditionally spill into the streets to celebrate their heroic armed forces.
The Herald on Wednesday had a most enlightening interview with the Zimbabwe National Army (ZNA) Commander, Edzai Chimonyo, who spoke well about what a professional army we have.
“In conclusion,” Chimonyo said. “I would like to tell the people of Zimbabwe that we are their soldiers and we are there to serve and protect them.”
The masses are, obviously, in wild agreement. We all feel protected when we see an army truck, even if some errant members have been known to randomly do target practice on moving objects, at 45% degree angles.
The President was also in a very grateful mood this week, thanking the army for its service to the nation.
“This occasion is happening on the backdrop of successive accomplishments by our defence forces to defend our motherland Zimbabwe from detractors, divisive elements and enemies,” Mnangagwa said.
We are sure that his definition of “motherland” is his own self.
“Better deal for armed forces,” The Herald screamed, reporting on Mnangagwa’s pledge to increase pay for the military.
This is good news. Nobody would oppose having a well-paid army. We just wait for a time the entire nation also has a better deal.
What a typo
On Heroes Day, President Emmerson Mnangagwa came out strongly to declare that there would be no tolerance for corruption.
“Corruption, underutilisation of land, holding of mining concessions for speculation and other unwanted ways of doing things are now gone,” he said.
It must have been a typographical error by his speech writers. What he meant to say was that that those who speak out against corruption and other unwanted ways of doing things are also now gone — to Chikurubi. Which is why Hopewell Chin’ono is in leg chains at a maximum security prison, while the corrupt ones that he helped expose are still out there drinking fine whiskey and laughing at us.
“The Second Republic has, since its inception, accelerated the entrenchment and consolidation of democracy, constitutionalism and the rule of law,” the President said.
Even the speech writers must have been laughing when they added that comical sentence to the speech. Not even the man himself believes what he reads.