AHEAD of elections in Malawi this week, the chairperson of the Sadc Organ on Politics, Defence and Security Co-operation released a statement urging tolerance.
“Sadc urges stakeholders to remain politically-tolerant and peaceful in the remaining campaign period, and to exercise calm and restraint during and after election day,” the organ’s chairperson, who also happens to be the President of Zimbabwe, Emmmerson Mnangagwa, said.
It was heart-warming for everyone across the region to hear such calming wisdom from one of the continent’s foremost authorities of free and open elections. Should anyone have a complaint about the election, the man reminded Malawians, they needed to use the right channels.
“Furthermore, Sadc encourages all candidates, their supporters and other stakeholders to channel any grievances regarding the electoral process and its final outcomes through the appropriate legal channels,” the President said.
Telling people to go through appropriate channels is just what you would tell people when you have captured all the appropriate channels.
The nation wishes to congratulate Health minister Obadiah Moyo. The man was arrested and brought to court, facing charges of fraud that goes into millions of United States dollars.
However, while other lumpen elements were spending cold winter nights in jail, the man made sure he spent the night under his electric blanket, wiped with three-ply tissue before heading off to the Magistrates’ Court with a full escort. We would not want our Health minister to be lost on the way.
Reporters at the court, who had obviously been worried about his welfare, would have been obviously relieved to see the man arriving at court in a convoy of luxury 4X4s. It was important to remember that filthy jails are reserved for lesser mortals. All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.
While Moyo arrived in luxury, the likes of Joanna Mamombe, Cecilia Chimbiri, Netsai Marova, Namatai Kwekweza and Vongai Zimudzi have all had to sleep in cells. Let the nation be reminded: you do not get detained for corruption. You get detained for complaining about corruption.
Speaking of the corrupt, one has to marvel at the resourcefulness of the Health minister.
While other people are sleeping in bank queues hoping to withdraw a few worthless notes, the man and his coterie of aides rocked up at Magistrates’ Court with a box full of cash. When it was time to pay bail, he had a box of ZW$50 000 worth of cash ready to surrender to the state.
We thank our courts for taking pity on the man and allowing him to use his bank card to swipe instead. We cannot have our leaders being forced to bring scarce cash to pay for fines and bail like ordinary citizens. How would we tell the difference between our owners and their servants?
One is reminded of the quote from Animal Farm: “Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals.”
You have to hand it to Zanu PF men. These are some of the most useless people on the planet. Yet, here they are, lords above all the hardworking animals.
Still at the courts, we wish to celebrate the promotion of one of our finest judicial officers, Magistrate Bianca Makwande.
The nation will recall how this gallant comrade denied bail to the three bail MDC activists, on the basis that their claims of abduction had caused damage to the economy. It was reported this week that she has now been promoted to Deputy Chief Magistrate following the resignation of Chrispen Mberewere earlier this month.
This is the sort of meritocracy we want to see in our civil service. We want people to be rewarded for talent. Clearly, anyone as innovative and creative enough to come up with that reason for denying someone bail, deserves a post in the higher echelons of the judiciary.May she soon find a seat among other luminaries who are leading our world renowned judiciary system?
This week, the government spent a lot of time wondering why civil servants were so ungrateful for a massive 50% increment in salaries, and a hefty US$75 allowance.
Before the ink was even dry on the press statement from Finance minister Mthuli Ncube announcing the new allowances, we saw nurses and doctors out there marching up and down the roads for no reason.
Well, after giving them a 50% increase, we then raised the price of fuel by up to 150%. That is the sort of economics that has made Zimbabwe a marvel among scholars all over the world.
We saw the teachers coming out to demand US$520 for minimum salaries. Surely, in a sovereign country, we cannot all be demanding US dollars. Those are reserved for the country’s rulers.
Mnangagwa’s promise that he will deal with vultures will excite absolutely no one. The septugenarian leader has become known for having plenty of bark, but utterly toothless when it comes to the bite.
This is the same person who promised to deal with companies and individuals who have externalised funds. But except for a few noises and a list of the so-called culprits, it fizzled out with some on the list even representing his party in the 2018 harmonised elections.
He also declared that he would demand his ministers to declare their assets to ensure public confidence but three years later the public is yet to be made aware of these so called assets.
Promises to implement reforms by Mnangagwa, who came into power via guns and tanks, have become a broken record with no substantive results on the ground.
Given his track record of not delivering what he has promised, his threat to deal with vultures should be dismissed for the hot air that it is.