Coronavirus is the best whip to end globetrotting

MUCKRAKER

THIS week, the owner of the country, President Emmerson Mnangagwa, declared that he had banned government officials from travelling outside the continent in order to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

Who said plagues and diseases have no positive outcome? We have here a ruling elite that has ignored their own citizens’ call to stop spending millions of dollars in real money gallivanting all over the planet.

Some even spent months in China, getting treatment in the best hospitals, while, at home, expecting mothers are required to bring buckets and cotton wool to hospital.

Even when citizens whined about the cost of travelling aboard luxury jets, complete with self-catered mazondo and sadza cuisine, nobody listened.
Yet, it has taken the coronavirus to finally keep our leaders at home. Well, if it takes a dangerous disease to keep our rulers from their addiction to foreign travel, then long may this plague continue. As they say on ZBC, people from all walks of life have hailed the coronavirus for saving the country money.

Biscuit mad vibes

Meanwhile, the alleged doctor and former DJ masquerading as a whole country’s health minister, Obadiah Moyo, came out this week to tell the nation that they are better off getting treatment abroad.

“We have our students in China and this meeting has agreed and feels they are better off in China at this stage,” Moyo said after a meeting with a group of equally clueless ministers.

“We have had conversations with the students and they have indicated they prefer to be in China at this moment because if they were to fall sick, there is already some treatment which has been applied which is successful. They are better off rather than coming here. We haven’t even tried any treatment at all, so they are better off in China at this very stage,” said the minister also known as DJ Biscuit.

This, of course, should be rather confusing to citizens who were told by Finance minister Mthuli Ncube aka Nutty Professor not so long ago that the country’s health delivery system was “robust” and world class.

When a citizen says they are better off staying in a disease-hit country than go home, and a whole Health minister agrees with them, you know one has achieved full banana republic status.
Lamentations
We heard this week that Simbaneuta Mudarikwa, the Zanu PF MP for Uzumba, the ruling party’s crown jewel constituency, is so unhappy with ZBC coverage that he would never advertise on its stations.

“Your editorial policy is primitive and any other word which goes with it and as long as you do not correct it, I will never advertise with ZBC,” Mudarikwa said in a meeting with the ZBC board.

Why is Mudarikwa so angry? Well, it turns out that he has been having some unflattering coverage from the country’s favourite station. He blames all of it on the ZBC reporters who, in a show of patriotism, ran for office and lost to him in the Zanu PF primaries in 2018. He even accused the reporters of taking bribes in exchange for good coverage.

“Most of your guys who participated in the 2018 primary elections are part of the bribery issues I have mentioned,” the man wailed.

Mudarikwa should just keep quiet and join the long queue of people who think ZBC is a joke. ZBC has suddenly become bad because it no longer follows him to every dip tank and village beer drink-up? Is he suddenly noticing it now that real journalists do not stand in party primaries and slip back into the newsrooms?

You know a TV station is bad when even Zanu PF people, whose standards are largely in the gutter, are starting to complain about it.

Gulliver’s Travels

“Madam Page Two” has been on the road again, this time in Bulawayo, where she brought her world-beating knowledge on nutrition to the masses.

According to the Sunday News: “Indlovukazi is a praise title reserved for female monarchs, especially Ndebele, Zulu or Eswatini. And First Lady Amai Auxillia Mnangagwa’s love and compassion has endeared her to the Matabeleland region and earned her the title.”

According to the report, “the First Lady said it was the duty of amakhosikazi to start small by introducing traditional meals in the family diet”.
She was quoted as saying: “You start by giving small portions (to the family), they will take one teaspoon today, the next it will be two and that way you will see that you are winning.”

There is obviously an unannounced First Lady Bootlicking Contest at Zimpapers, and it is clearly very competitive. We wish to congratulate the Sunday News for winning this week’s contest hands down. The Herald editors were obviously this week working overtime to find new bootlicking terms to beat this genius “Indlovukazi” platitude.

Novices

The political misfits in Mnangagwa’s pet project otherwise known as the Political Actors Dialogue (Polad) are beginning to realise that their contributions to government have less value than used tissue paper.

The chickens are coming home to roost for the outfit that was put together more as a feel good project for Mnangagwa who, in terms of the grouping, is a large fish in a sea of tadpoles given that they represent less than 3% of the total votes in the 2018 Presidential elections.

Justice minister Ziyambi Ziyambi demonstrated his disdain for the bunch of political rejects at the weekend when he told state media that Polad has no authority to stop the constitutional amendments being pushed by Zanu PF that will toss aside the will of the Zimbabwean people in favour of centralising excessive powers in Mnangagwa’s hands.

One of the hangers-on in the group and National Constitutional Assembly (NCA) life president Lovemore Madhuku has been singing for his supper (or hefty allowances?) by defending the relevance of their arguments over the changes in the country’s supreme law.

“It appears the minister is not operating from the same page with his President and principal,” Madhuku whined.“As far as we understand the President’s thrust, Polad is a new thrust to detoxicate our politics and introduce a new political culture in which views of all political parties are seriously considered before being rejected.”

What on earth is Madhuku smoking? He, of all people, should know that nothing has changed in Zanu PF when it comes to the lust for power.

Madhuku was part of the commission of enquiry led by former South African president Kgalema Motlanthe which was set up to investigate the killing of civilians by soldiers during protests over delays in the release of results of the harmonised elections on August 1, 2018.

The recommendation the commission made that the soldiers who shot innocent civilians on that fateful day be prosecuted has still not been implemented by Mnangagwa, nearly two years later.

It is naïve or desperate of Madhuku to expect that the septuagenarian leader will accept his views on constitutional amendments that strengthen his tenacious grip on power. Muckraker would advise Madhuku to shut his gob and quietly enjoy his sumptuous allowances — courtesy of the starving taxpayer!

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