HomeAnalysisIt’s back to heydays, Zim dollar returns with a bang

It’s back to heydays, Zim dollar returns with a bang

“We have backslid to the Grace era where G40 youths used extortion against citizens to avoid public lynching. A country can’t be dictated to by a bunch of youth at a presser.”

Muckraker is still recovering from the hangover of the all-night parties that broke out all across the country this week. It was announced that the United States dollar had been banned and that we are on our way to restoring our beloved Zimbabwe dollar.

Twitter: @MuckrakerZim

The return of the Zimdollar is the signal we have all been waiting for, that we have now solved all our economic troubles. Were we not told over the past few years, repeatedly, that the Zimdollar would only return once “the fundamentals are in place”? Were we not reassured that once we have enough reserves, that once our industries were firing again, only then would we see our Zimdollar coming back?

So, now that we are about to go back there, the masses can only celebrate because it now means, as we were told, that everything is now alright.

Even President Emmerson Mnangagwa was emphatic about this, when he was asked if all was now in order with the economy to warrant a relaunch of the Zimdollar. “What is critical is, ukavona tofamba zvinenge zvagadzirika (when you see us moving towards the Zimdollar, know that everything has been sorted out),” a giggling President told reporters.

He said this while holidaying in the “independent republic” of Victoria Falls, under the guise of hosting fellow rulers at some meeting about killing animals or something of that sort.

At the time of print, the streets were still heaving with hordes of jubilant Zimbabweans. Even the Chronicle had a cartoon depicting workers in jubilation. Of course, they had to use a cartoon, seeing as it was hard to find real workers celebrating the return of the Zimdollar.

Very soon the dream will turn into nightmare.


While in Victoria Falls, where the highlight of the meeting was a selfie with Botswana’s President Mokgweetsi Masisi, the Leader of the Second Republic had even more great news for the country.

After years of turmoil and chaos, of economic decline and violence and so forth, the country, Mnangagwa declared, was now back to normal. “Zimbabwe has gone back to normalcy; the normalcy is the country must have its own currency. We have been living in an abnormal situation,” he proclaimed.

He, however, forgot to tell us what “normalcy” really means. Some of us who have lived in this country for all their lives do not recall any form of normalcy. What does “normal” look like? What does it smell like?

We anticipate that a statutory instrument, followed up by a directive, will detail to us what normal really means.

Nobody living in this country knows what on earth that is.

But we know he actually meant normalising the abnormal.

Demented youths

This week, the Zanu PF youth league broke the rules of the ruling party when they denounced corruption.

At a press conference, the party’s deputy youth leader Lewis Matutu, read out a list of senior Zanu PF and government officials that he claimed were engaging in corrupt activities.

“All the party members fingered in the corruption should do the honourable thing and not report for work tomorrow until they have cleared the allegations made against them,” Matutu declared.

This attracted a strong response from the party, which held its Politburo meeting on Wednesday. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in that room full of hot air.

One would have wanted to sit in there and listen as party chefs schooled these youths on Zanu PF ideology. We would see chefs angrily banging tables, saying this is why it is imperative that we expedite the establishment of the Chitepo School of Ideology. Some of these upstarts have no idea what the party stands for.

Since when is corruption a crime in Zanu PF? We all know that the more corrupt one is, the better their chances of promotion? We keep telling these people; corruption is not a crime in Zanu PF, it is a requirement for leadership.

That’s why many think Zanu PF has now lost direction how does a party built on corruption fight corruption?
Fun games

One person who was not pleased with the youth league was Gokwe Nembudziya MP, Justice Mayor Wadyajena. He is one of those named by Matutu as corrupt.

“We have backslid to the Grace era where G40 youths used extortion against citizens to avoid public lynching. A country can’t be dictated to by a bunch of youth at a presser,” Wadyajena tweeted.

It was a useful reminder to that other bunch of youths who, back in November 2017, told the nation they feared nobody, singing “hatikwati” and gesticulating as if to box some of their more senior Zanu PF top feeders.
Within hours of that press conference, their leader was on television earing a colourful jersey for our entertainment.

But we all know youths never think it will happen to them. It’s all fun and games, while you are still doing the bidding of shadowy puppet masters.

By the way, did Matutu ever paid back the money he allegedly swindled from a Zvishavane businessman, Tendai Mpofu, a few years back? We wouldn’t want to think our anti-corruption champion is some sort of hypocrite now, would we?
As for Wadyajena, we awaitMnangagwa’s promised lifestyle audits, and the declaration of assets promised by Parliament, so that we too can learn how to buy expensive super-cars without having to run any visible business. Send thieves to catch other thieves.


Muckraker was delighted to read two stories published in quick succession by state media, on Monica Mavhunga, the resident minister of Mashonaland Central.

“Mavhunga courts investors,” the Herald reported recently. This was a story in which she was quoted saying her province has “vast opportunities in agriculture, mining, education and tourism” that investors could take advantage of. Within days of this article, ZBC reported: “Mavhunga caught up in land storm”.

According to our friendly and sole broadcaster, Mavhunga is trying to take over a productive maize and tobacco farm in Centenary from a farmer, Garikayi Jacobs. Contacted for comment by ZBC, Mavhunga denied telling anyone to take over the farm. But it seems someone forgot to grease all the palms. The lands officer of the province, Charles Kadzere, spilled the beans, telling ZBC that it was, in fact, Mavhunga who told him to transfer Jacobs’ farm to some other comrade.

“The farmer is productive, but the minister instructed me to start the withdrawal process to pave way for a Cde Marodza, who has been recommended to replace him,” Kadzere said.

Clearly, after failing to attract investors to Mashonaland Central, Mavhunga decided to do it herself and invest in a few more farms for herself and her buddies. This is the hands-on approach Mnangagwa likes to see.

Anti-corruption charade, skit for ECD class

While President Emmerson Mnangagwa’s government boasts about nipping corruption in the bud as a key aspect of the so-called new dispensation, it continues to be exposed for the hot air that is.

As Mnangagwa was promising to set up a commission of inquiry to investigate corruption allegations made by Zanu PF youths against top officials in the party, in what looked as an exercise to divert attention from their dismal failure to address the economic crisis, his minister was busy fumbling for excuses not to expose corruption.

Asked on Wednesday this week to table the forensic audit report on the National Social Security Authority, as she had promised, Labour minister Sekai Nzenza made a 360-degree turnaround, declaring to bemused MPs that she was not obliged legally to table the report on Nssa corruption.

The minister added that she wanted legal assistance to simplify the report, as if she is to give it to village bumpkins. How ridiculous! This is an embarrassing attempt to cover up corruption and makes a mockery of the so-called crusade to fight corruption.

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