“Good to meet Mr Kwande and hear how he has baked 5 000 loaves of bread to supply the Gweru market, using only Zimbabwean wheat. I am always happy to meet local entrepreneurs and learn about their initiatives to build our economy.”
It was good to see our first citizen, President Emmerson Mnangagwa leading by example going all over the country this week looking for bread, just like the rest of us. What a leader!
Mnangagwa was pictured with Douglas Kwande, a baker from Gweru. The nation will remember this iconic innovator. A few months ago, it was announced that this national hero had devised a plan to make 5 000 loaves per day using only local wheat.
The exciting news saw Kwande being transported swiftly to Harare to be paraded before cameras and notebook-wielding reporters.
This loaf of bread — an innovation by the new dispensation standards — was even taken into the Cabinet room, where it was shared around the table as if it was the last supper in Jerusalem.
“Good to meet Mr Kwande and hear how he has baked
5 000 loaves of bread to supply the Gweru market, using only Zimbabwean wheat. I am always happy to meet local entrepreneurs and learn about their initiatives to build our economy,” ED tweeted this week.
We then were shown pictures of ED and the master baker in the backseat of a car with slices of bread randomly piled on the arm rest. Is it not heart-warming to see our ruler freely mingling with struggling entrepreneurs? These are the efforts our leader is making to put bread on our tables. This is just what the country needs in these trying times of illegal sanctions and drought.
Next, we our leader will visit indigenous manufacturers of electricity. We have already met an indigenous manufacturer of diesel in Chinhoyi, but that did not end very well after cabinet approval!
Speaking of bread, Information Minister Monica Mutsvangwa (constantly behaving dutifully like a ZBC presidential and diplomatic correspondent) was in London to sell Zimbabwe as an investment destination.
Her message to businesses there was that their local counterparts in Zimbabwe were using bread to oust the President from power.
“One clearly sees that there is a motive a day before Independence Day celebrations, there will be 40 000 to 50 000 people in the stadium and President was going to talk to these people, so what did they want to happen,” Mutsvangwa said.
So is this what an investor wondering if their investments are safe wants to hear? Threats and accusations of conspiracy are certainly a new way of attracting investment.
It is an untested method. Other countries, obviously still backward, still attract investors by promising them good and friendly environments and profits. They will be surprised to learn that, in Zimbabwe, we use a whip to chase investors into the country.
Meanwhile, the nation still awaits fulfilment of promises made in the Sunday Mail earlier this year that we will have cheap basic commodities on the shelves by April. It is now May, and one still has to sell their kidney in order to buy a loaf of bread.
We hope our media comrades at the Brick and Mortar know better than to make bold declarations. There’s a difference between journalism and Magaya-like prophecies — remember his HIV/Aids theatrics?
Muckraker will miss our friend Joram “Jerry Can” Gumbo, who has been replaced as Energy and Power Development Minister. Gumbo is now the man in charge of policy implementation, a move that ED is somehow convinced will fill the entire nation with confidence.
From his days as Transport Minister, Gumbo distinguished himself as one of the most Zanu PF of all Zanu PF officials, as he went about awarding himself contracts and telling random lies. These are skills that are highly rated in Zanu PF.
Gumbo is now in charge of policy implementation. And we all know what Zanu PF policies are. With Gumbo’s new job, we will see faster implementation of Zanu PF policies, such as looting, empty promises and causing general disorder. Let’s watch Jerry Can’s next manoeuvres.
Reports say authorities at the Robert Gabriel Mugabe Airport seized Ignatius Chombo’s passport, preventing him from travelling abroad for medical care.
We are truly living under a cruel regime, when a regular guy like Chombo cannot drive down Airport Road, which was built by a company whose address was coincidentally the same as Chombo’s address, to an airport named after his patriarch, only to be prevented from seeking the best foreign medical care available to regular guys.
What has this country come to, honestly? Cannot people spend their hard earned largesse in peace anymore? Besides, since when is corruption a crime in this country? Had the coup not happened, Chombo would still be our Finance minister and owning 1 000 residential stands and 1 000 houses across the country.
These are the sort of decisions the people want. Not this nerd and Finance minister Mthuli Ncube from Oxford who wants to use our little money to pay debts to the World Bank and so forth, and even to white farmers. Give Chombo his passport back, and also his old job back please. After all nothing has changed after Mugabe.
Still with the Old Dispensation, we were all happy to see Dr Amai back in the news.
This is the original Dr Amai, not this new one who has now taken over ZBC and turned it into the Auxillia Reality Show.
Grace Mugabe is in the spotlight once more for allegedly beating up one of her workers. Her sin? Accepting a wedding gift from her husband, Robert Mugabe, our previous ruler. Frankly, let us be fair, which wife would not be mad if it turned out that hubby gave a cash gift at the wedding of the maid without the wife’s knowledge? Surely, if this was a criminal matter, that would be good mitigation.
The hapless worker told the court: “She started beating me with clenched fists shouting, ‘who do you think you are here? You are milking my husband behind my back.”
It appears Dr Amai has lost none of her drama and rage since that November night. Pity the poor girl couldn’t scream “mhamha save us”, while getting a beating, because it was “mhamha” herself doing the damage. The maid must ask South African model Engels about Grace’s boxing prowess.
Meanwhile, still on milk, Muckraker is pleased to report that the auction of old farm equipment at the award-winning Gushungo Dairy was a huge success.
People came from all over the country to buy old tractors, old cars and old combine harvesters from the former President.
It was sad to read that a car repair company is suing Gushungo Dairy for $11 000 worth of car repairs that were never paid for. Where is the sense of patriotism if companies now chase after a mere $11 000 incurred by a man who single-handedly liberated the nation?
The propaganda spewing broadcaster ZBC this week demonstrated that they have not lost any of their ability to spew tripe. Even comical Ali would not have thought about this one. Not even the Pravda would have gone to such lengths to justify fuel shortages as a sign of economic growth.
Dr Mzee’s spirit resurrects in Komichi
The MDC continues to hold its caucus meetings, where prospective leaders present themselves to supporters ahead of the party’s national congress.
A welcome departure from the tradition of imposition that we see elsewhere in the country.
Special mention must go, however, to Morgen Komichi, who is vying for the post of vice-president. While others were busy talking about their competences, such as their history in administration and so forth, Komichi knows just what is required of leaders in this country.
“I am loyal,” he said.
“The President needs a vice-president who supports his vision and doesn’t disturb him.’’ Well done to Komichi for being honest. Loyalty to the leader is the only qualification that is required for leadership in our parties. We last saw such honesty from a VP in the Simon Muzenda days. We miss Mzee and we are glad to see Komichi playing the Mzee role so well. Next, he must start reciting that Nehanda Nyakasikana poem at every opportunity, just like Mudhara Simon.
We cannot have VPs who don’t offer anything except blind loyalty to their leader. Look at what ended up happening in November 2017? Who wants that to happen again?