So, after all this time, the mask finally fell off the “new dispensation”, and in tragic fashion. At least three dead on the streets of Harare after some protests over the vote by MDC Alliance supporters.
With that deployment of the army, and the shooting at civilians, President Emmerson Mnangagwa undid everything he has been selling to the world since his inauguration.
And to think it took not a mass protest, but what really was a few violent youths. The rule of law demands that the police take charge of law and order.
Watching Obert Mpofu trying to sound scary was both hilarious and worrying. Mpofu even quoted that DRC ambassador who has been telling us we have too much freedom. But, even in the DRC, they used teargas this week when Jean Pierre Bemba returned from exile.
Clearly Joseph Kabila has a better way of limiting his people’s freedoms than what we saw this week. Now we are back to square one. The investors we were told were banging at the doors are postponing their meetings here. Tourists that were excited about Zimbabwe opening up are cancelling. All because someone decided we had too much freedom.
Well, at least now the world can see our owners for what they are. They are just like those fake prophets who sell fake hope by dazzling their audiences with shiny suits. Nobody is buying this charade anymore. Not even those who have been selling it.
When such tragedies happen, you expect those in responsibility to come out and act like adults. But we all know The Herald is in the hands of oversized toddlers. In an editorial, a day after people were actually killed, the paper writes an editorial headlined: MDC Alliance, There is a Limit to Mischief.
One of their biggest complaints? That the MDC Alliance refused to buy Mnangagwa’s “Open for Business” snake oil.
“The MDC leadership has refused to acknowledge the political and economic reforms undertaken by President Mnangagwa since assuming office.”
We were informed that there is a sinister plot to tarnish Mnangagwa’s image. The “deliberate acts of violence”, The Herald told us, “are meant to provoke the authorities to act so the MDC can ‘prove’ to the world that nothing has changed in Zimbabwe and therefore no reason to endorse this week’s electoral outcome.”
Well, look, it is plain to see that Mnangagwa does not need anyone’s help to tarnish his image. He has done a marvellous job of that all by himself.
Make no mistake, there is no justification whatsoever for sending the army running down our streets and shooting women in the back. Any suggestion that it was the MDC Alliance that caused this is absurd.
But this doesn’t mean we can’t talk about how childish the MDC Alliance has been over recent months, and especially over recent weeks as the campaign climaxed. Were we not summoned to a series of press conferences and told that the party had “an anti-rigging mechanism”? Where is it?
And were supporters not told in Chitungwiza that the party had deployed 44 000 election agents to all polling stations across the country? Now by the admission of the party itself, and reports from observers such as Zesn, it seems the MDC Alliance didn’t have any agents in many polling stations.
Where are your experts? All we have seen are their much-vaunted “advisors” spreading WhatsApp rumours all week, not much different from an ordinary John Chimuti from Gumbonzvanda and the rest of us plebeians.
As for Tendai Biti, someone needs to put a leash on him. Each time he speaks, it gets harder and harder to take him seriously. Calm yourself. Make up your mind. Do you want to be a serious politician, or a wrestling announcer? You can’t be both.
Well, at least there are things Biti did right this week. He defeated two fellow loudmouths in Harare East, Terence Mukupe and Obert Gutu. We really commiserate with the people of that constituency.
Having to pick between three renowned merchants of hot air must have been a tough one. But, lucky for one of them, Biti, he represented a party that is popular with voters.
At least now Mukupe can focus on paying off all the creditors knocking at his gate, including that embarrassing matter of unpaid school fees.
As for Obert Gutu, at least he has a job to go back to. Spare a thought for the clients and staff of Negona Chambers. They now have his undivided attention. Nobody wants that.
As for Gutu’s boss, Thokozani Khupe, the only race she won was in the “Poster Size Constituency”. She won hands down. She had the biggest posters of the election and she should take pride in that consolation prize. Daniel Shumba, who leads something called UDA, ran her close.
And Muckraker is dismayed to learn that the people of Makoni Central decided that bins are not enough bait for their votes and not vote for the benefactor of the trash cans by Finance minister Patrick Chinamasa. What kind of ungrateful voters do they have over there? What more do they want from their MP?
Jaison Passade also lost in Mt Pleasant. The news was met with much shock in Mt Pleasant, where residents were surprised to discover that they had an MP all this time. There is no record of Passade even coughing in Parliament.
To the rest of the presidential candidates, we thank you for your kind donations of US$1 000 each to the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (Zec).
Heaven knows Zec could use a bit of extra cash. You are all patriots who had a spare us$1 000 to waste and decided to share it with the people.