Another week and another funny little organisation popping up its head to support Zanu PFâ€™s discredited agenda.
The Zimbabwe Sovereignty Preservers and Economic Survival Support Network joins a list of ruling-party mouthpieces such as Advocate Dinhaâ€™s Lawyers for Justice outfit, the clueless Zimbabwe Federation of Trade Unions, and the North-Korean-style February 21st Movement that seems to â€œmoveâ€ only once a year.
The Zimbabwe Sovereignty Preservers and Economic Survival Support Network has been around since last year, we are told, but hasnâ€™t actually done anything since then. Its â€œfounderâ€, Paradzai Magauze, challenged the MDC-T to stop taking instructions from the British and Americans.
It is not difficult to see who he is taking instructions from!
He urged the MDC-T to put the country first and â€œnot sacrifice our sovereignty for United States dollarsâ€.
Are these the same United States dollars that parastatals are demanding for the payment of accounts; that senior army officers are getting as part of their salaries; that the Acting Minister of Finance used for his budget forecasts because the Zim dollar has completely crashed?
Magauze denounced the MDC-Tâ€™s â€œruinous chameleon-type of politicsâ€.
But who is it that has ruined commercial agriculture, ruined industry and commerce, ruined the countryâ€™s productive capacity, ruined the nationâ€™s reputation, and ruined its prospects by driving its best qualified people into exile?
Why doesnâ€™t Magauze and his puppet creation ask five million Zimbabweans why they canâ€™t live in this wreck of a country any longer?
And why does he expect Morgan Tsvangirai to join a government which believes it can command popular support by a campaign of abduction and torture?
â€œAny government that tortures its own citizens has lost all sense of legitimacy,â€ Graca Machel said last week.
Please will Zanu PF and its very obvious surrogates stop deluding themselves. There can be no future for a leader or party that behaves like this; that breaks the law at will and holds the country hostage.
The Zimbabwe Sovereignty Preservers â€” who get no marks for their silly title unless they are all five years old â€” hailed President Mugabe as â€œan icon of peace and father figureâ€.
Mugabeâ€™s victory in the June 27 presidential run-off â€œshamed the countryâ€™s detractorsâ€, they said. Perhaps they meant simply â€œshamed the countryâ€.
Has Zimbabwe any friends left? However exasperated Sadc may be with Tsvangiraiâ€™s antics (taking a two-hour consultation break when he asked for a couple of minutes would infuriate most people), it is a sign of their impatience with Mugabe that they have not swallowed all his claims to be battling forces mobilising to bring the country down.
Nobody is about to invade Zimbabwe and the more the state media repeats it the sillier it sounds.
Most Sadc heads have very cordial relations with Britain and the United States. Why would Britain and the US want to occupy a semi-derelict country whose resources have already been plundered by aÂ plague of local locusts?
By the way, when did we last hear from President Obiang? Or Hugo Chavez?
Why are they giving Zimbabwe a wide berth?
Last week Muckraker drew attention to President Barack Obamaâ€™s remarks in his inaugural address about certain regimes with clenched fists being on â€œthe wrong side of historyâ€.
We naturally assumed that referred to our own delinquents. But then the Chinese decided it referred to them and cut it out of their broadcast of the speech.
Now the Guardian has added its pennyâ€™s worth by claiming that it referred to Egypt!
Can you imagine, the Guardianâ€™s Jonathan Freedland suggesting in all seriousness that Egyptâ€™s rulers must have â€œshifted uneasily in their seatsâ€ when they heard the reference?
What nonsense! Whereâ€™s he been all this time? It was so obviously a quote tailored for Zimbabwe. The Egyptians came nowhere near the definition. After all, their history goes back 4 000 years!
The Herald appears to have decided that Pretoria, the South African capital, is now called Tshwane and that it is politically correct to use that name.
Muckraker recalls how reporters used to think Cote dâ€™Ivoire was the post-colonial name for the Ivory Coast.
Pretoria, we are pleased to announce, is still very much alive and well despite the Heraldâ€™s best efforts. We note Sadc leaders referred to â€œPretoriaâ€ in their communiquÃ©.
Many of South Africaâ€™s major cities such as Pretoria, Port Elizabeth and Durban have incorporated surrounding townships to form mega-cities administered by a single metropolitan authority. Those metro authorities have taken new names. Durban for instance is eThekwini and Port Elizabeth is Nelson Mandela. But the original city names remain.
Pretoria continues to be the capital and many city suburbs fall within its administrative ambit. Tshwane is the name for Greater Pretoria including such suburbs as Mamelodi and Soshanguve.
We read with interest a report in the Herald on Wednesday that the much talked about charity soccer match between musicians and former soccer players a fortnight ago raised $853 trillion in local currency. The report said $530 trillion was used to cover expenses, meaning the remaining $320 trillion was last week â€œequally split between the two selected beneficiariesâ€.
That was a paltry US$160 at the time, and US$80 at the present rate! All this generous media mileage for a mere US$160! This is just a publicity stunt for the promoter, Partson Chimbodza. Wouldnâ€™t it have been easier for the organisers to approach an individual, say, Aleck Macheso, to donate to the cause and save the logistic headache of arranging an event like the one at Gwanzura?
And considering that $160 is just about the kind of money four average revellers spend on drinks and meat at Machesoâ€™s shows, it would have been less straining to ask revellers at one of the musical shows to kindly donate.
That way a decent amount would be raised, we think. We hear an association called â€œCelebrities for Charityâ€ was born out of the soccer match to organise more events. In future this group needs to get serious and be worthy of every publicity they get, kwete mbodza iyi Partson.
We spotted a report last week about Harare council workers and Zimpost being on strike. Our question: How can you tell?