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Xmas request to Santa Bob

SANTA Bob, makorokoto, amphlope, congratulations, they inform me you secured the candidacy, after intimidation and declaring the other time that there was no vacancy. My main concern, with all due respect, Santa Mugabe, is about the coming Christmas for

our children.

Yours are secure and comfortable, but I refer to the majority of children in the country, a lot of whom are orphaned. Truly, Christmas used to be a time for jubilation and merry-making, but in the past years you have made it one of empty stomachs and no merry- making. I have just 10 requests.

Firstly, could you make bread available this season? The rains have been good and your government will make a lot of noise about a bumper harvest, promising us wheat. But first things first: We need bread this Christmas. We cannot afford rice anymore thanks to your economic policies.

May you make fuel available, for the few of us who still have hopes of linking with folks in the rural areas and other towns. Consult Nomatter Tagarira, the spirit medium, who once upon a time mentioned she could conjure refined diesel out of a rock by striking it with her staff. This done, fuel will be in abundance. I will hasten to request the availability of spare parts for buses so that they ply our roads with safely.

I also request that you make money available in our banks. Talk to Gideon Gono, he might print some more bearer’s cheques, that won’t increase inflation, for it has already hit the ceiling. Remember th Reserve Bank governor on Friday said your cronies were fuelling the country’s runaway inflation through illicit dealings. He talked of corruption and that the country is losing a lot of money because of the top officials. We need money urgently for Christmas.

Thousands of households in Harare, Bulawayo and other towns have been plunged into darkness owing to vandalism and theft of Zesa property worth billions. That was the news in January 2007 and the same remained throughout the year.

Should we expect the same during Christmas and the New Year, Santa Bob? I was thinking of electricity for those who would want to while away time with their CD players. The loadshedding game this time should be played fairly. Why not start with the grid that feeds the State House so that the occupants experience a black Christmas.

What about making flour available Santa Mugabe. We might need that to bake a few cakes, provided there is milk on the shop shelves, eggs too, maybe margarine or butter, cooking oil and cheese as well.

Indulge us with soft drinks, even a few beers for those who would rather drown their worries. We do not mind this time where these will come from, even if you can get them for us from as far as China or from Chavez in Venezuela. Schools will be opening soon, and as a concerned parent, please, check with Aenias Chigwedere on the standards that have declined of late. School performance has greatly depreciated, I really wonder how the few remaining patriotic teachers are doing.

Even higher education standards have declined as manifested by the University of Zimbabwe on graduation day. I hope you had time to walk around freely without any fear of the hungry thugs that have been created by Gordon Brown and George Bush.

You know because of endemic diseases, many people need medical facilities but the ones we have are so run-down that even David Parirenyatwa is ashamed of them. He might resign for having a ministry with no functional health facilities and no doctors and nurses to serve the already dying population.

Comrade Santa, you might not have noticed this, but we are dying slowly. Women continue to bear the brunt of the HIV and Aids pandemic with limited knowledge on the disease and lack of access to treatment.

This is despite the fact that women constitute the majority of your supporters and as the most infected and affected, are denied comprehensive sex education, treatment, care and support.

You always deny it, but check with Tobaiwa Mudede (not trustworthy for he keeps false records), just try to check how many professionals are hurriedly applying for passports, and also check how many have left the country in the year 2007 that is just coming to an end?

Comrade Santa, you have been so stubborn but the writing is on the wall for all to see, no one wants to remain in the country in such an economic situation that beats all records. Worse, with the elections coming, with your esteemed Zanu PF green bombers and youths out there to torture and kill, I don’t think I would want to be one of the unfortunate ones to be around, come 2008.

I wish you and the First Lady and the First Family and the First Thugs in your government a soul searching season of repentance as we suffer because of your ill-timed policies. Once more, rule us till you (or all of us) drop dead.

Happy festive season Santa Bob. You are pencilled for your annual leave come January. Where are you heading to this time? Try the Caribbean Islands. But please do not overstay; we want you back before the elections.

Clyde B. Chakupeta


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