IT’S totally the fault of the fairies.
Mr Gideon Gono, you have got it all wrong. You blamed the collapse of our economy and our lack of forex on Uncle Tom Cobble
y, Voetsek and all and then proceeded to unleash the forces of “law and order” (one uses the expression loosely) on the small workers.
Now, one has to admit, Giddy, you had to make some excuse to His Holiness, The Immortal Leader (TIL), for your failure to do the impossible, but was it really necessary to beat up, burn, bulldoze and imprison those least capable of defending themselves and those least responsible for Zimbabwe’s lack of forex?
You see, Giddy, you have forgotten all about the fairies. If you have a moment I’ll explain. Pay attention now and perhaps ask TIL to tune in as well.
It is the wicked fairies who are at fault. These include grab-a-farm fairies, suborn the judiciary fairies, police in my pocket fairies, Chinese fighter-jet fairies (they tend to fall out of the sky, by the way – something to do with chop-sticks in the electrics, apparently), fiddle election fairies, Libyan camel fairies, Malaysian tsunami fairies, fuel queue fairies, sparkless Zesa goblins, new cars for Reserve Bank layabout fairies, Green Bomber bubblegum fairies, politburo poltergeists and last but not least chefs’ wives, Borrowdale madam fairies bundled in bolts of Ghanaian cloth and 4x4s.
So what is the answer, I hear you cry, Giddy?
Well for starters, you and the lads must get a grasp of good fairy history. Any school history book will suffice. Turn, for example, to La Bastille, the Russian Winter Palace, fall of the Berlin Wall, collapse of the Soviet Union, the recent Ukranian Orange revolution, Lebanon and above all, Mandela and Africa’s struggle to free itself from colonialism.
You see, Giddy and TIL and all you chaps who believe you will always have margarine plus honey on your breakfast bread and to hell with everyone else, I ask you to remember the good fairies: the small workers, the small people.
Throughout history, the poor, the voiceless, the unemployed, the hungry and the homeless eventually became like African bees. Disturb them once too often and they become avenging angry swarms. And when that happens, it’s truly amazing which people end up in Never Never Land.